SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S1 E4: Family Ties

Posted on January 25, 2024 by Catherine Winters

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My internet is crazy bad today because it’s windy, but let’s try to do this!

Elena wakes in the night, and it’s another dream – this time, one of Stefan’s. Which Damon… gave him? He says something about how easy it was to get into his head just now. He also says that there’s no more reason to be afraid: they caught the mountain lion who was attacking people! Isn’t that wonderful?

Not really, according to Stefan. Why would Damon cover his tracks? (Because it’s 2008 and you can’t get away with killing indiscriminately in a small town, and you never really could, so he’s been smart about feeding is not the reason, unfortunately.) Because he’s decided to stay awhile, and keep trying to seduce Elena. The vervain, not verbena, amulet stops him from mojoing, it’s true, but he is handsome and maybe rich (vampires should be, imo) and he doesn’t usually have to mojo women, so, like, watch it, male model Stefan.

Damon also mentions his ability to unflinchingly listen to Taylor Swift, which is impressive, Damon! She’s worse at writing than your writers’ room! (I’m sure she’s quite lovely on a personal level, good for her for making money, but that woman has zero musical talent, I’m sorry, it’s true.) And then he stabs Stefan! What?! Just casually shoves a knife in as he leaves the room. Ok. Sure.

This scene went for over four full minutes, btw. I’m very impressed, it was mostly coherent and gave us actual information! Good job!

After the opener, Elena and Aunt… Jenna? Homegirl vanished last episode, I can’t remember her name. Anyway, they’re watching the local news on TV (a thing you could still do in 2008!). Logan Fell is reporting on the mountain lion being caught, and it turns out that Jenna moved away because of a bad breakup with Logan. She doesn’t want to talk about it, though, so they turn to the … safe deposit box that Elena has? Oh, it’s a box that was in the safe-deposit, gotcha. Someone wants to borrow stuff for Founders’ Day, a holiday that seemingly every television show town has, but that I have not once encountered in real life. What about y’all, does your town do this?

Anyway, Jeremy doesn’t want Elena to lend anything out, because “it’s mom and dad’s stuff! you can’t just give it away!” and Elena says it’s a LOAN. Poor Jeremy. Please get him a therapist!

Stefan shows up, and Elena immediately takes him upstairs to make out, during which he notices in the mirror that he’s started to vamp out. Elena calls a timeout, gently, and he agrees they’re getting too hot n heavy. Elena changes the subject by asking him to the Founders’ Day Ball. The party was super important to her mom, who was very involved in the Founders Committee, or whatever made-up thing they call it. It was her favorite party every year, and this is the first since her death, etc, etc, and Stefan says he’ll be pleased to go.

I’m shocked, y’all! These two scenes also lasted several minutes, they led into each other, they follow in a logical progression and nothing has been done and then immediately undone??!!!

Caroline is trying on dresses for Damon’s approval – I assume for Founders’ Day, because they’re formal. No yellow, he says, and the she says he can’t go with her, because her mom won’t like him, but he mojos her and gets invited. Obviously. OMG, he’s lying on her bed reading New Moon and asking what’s so special about Bella. Damon, I take it all back, you’re my new favorite.

let’s sit together and talk shit about other vampire writers

He misses Anne Rice: “she was so on it.” Caro asks why he doesn’t sparkle: “Because I live in the real world!” (Then give up your magic rings and vervain amulets, thanks.) We also get a good lore convo: he needs the ring to be in the sun, and you can’t become a vamp just from bites. Caroline asks if he’ll kill her, and he says he will, but he needs her still, so not yet!

Damon’s my favorite, I will be taking no questions at this time, thank you.

Tyler is with his parents at The Restaurant, and his mom wants him to focus on Founders’ Day. Vicki comes around as their server, and Tyler won’t talk to her. Dad asks for the check; turns out he’s the mayor? Crazy.

Bonnie and Caroline come in, and Bonnie’s asking Caro to go with her to the party, but Caro says she’s going with Damon. Bonnie should go with Elena, but no-go, because Elena is going with Stefan. Bonnie calls Damon “dangerous”, but Caroline – despite being told in the last scene that he fully intends to murder her – says he just has complicated family problems, which she will tell Bonnie, as long as Bonnie doesn’t tell Elena.

Back to Tyler and Vicki: His parents are gone, so now he’ll acknowledge she exists. But no, thanks, she calls him out on how he treats her like crap, and she’s done. Except… not, of course, because she’s in high school, and all she really wants is to be asked to the party.

Jeremy, seated at the bar, sees all of this and points out that 1. she shouldn’t have to ask to be asked to a party, and 2. she knows she’s making shitty decisions, and yet continues to make the same choices. Jeremy is the only sane person in this town, swear to god.

Back at the Salvatores’, Uncle whoever-I-called-him finds Damon in the living room, “just going through Stefan’s homework” and not understanding why Stefan keeps going to school. Harvard in the 70s made a little sense, but high school? Uncle Zack (that’s his actual name) wants to know why Damon’s here, really, and Damon says it’s just to spend time with family! And then he puts his hand on Zack’s throat and threatens him a little, for a treat, and then leaves.

Stefan finds Zack on the floor, and Zack’s all “you’re in danger! the town’s in danger! danger!”

And Stefan’s all like, yeah, I know, but I would have to drink humans to stop him, so…. And Zack suggests vervain, but Stefan reminds him that it hasn’t grown in that town since 1865, “Damon saw to that” and like. Buddy. Guy. Have I got news for you!

Also, you can apparently eat people without killing them, so WHAT IS THE PROBLEM. Seems like you’re keeping yourself down for no clear reasons, like every “noble vampire” guy since we invented sexy vampires. Yet another reason Damon’s my fave. Stefan:Nick Knight :: Damon: Lacroix.

Zack takes him down to the basement where he has a whole vervain grow operation. It’s 2008 in Virginia, if you can grow fussy herbs, you could grow less-fussy ones and make wayyyyyyy more money. Just sayin’.

Y’all. We’re only 15 minutes in? I can’t believe I have so much to say this week!

Tyler shows up at Elena’s for the box of history stuff, and so he and Jeremy can yell at each other a little. This is the first useless scene in this episode, and I don’t even think it’s that useless. Just too short to get anything accomplished, really.

Bonnie comes over to do Elena’s nails for the party, and to tell her what Caroline told her not to repeat: Catherine chose Damon, so Stefan told her a bunch of terrible stuff about Damon, and she ended up believing Stefan and leaving Damon. Elena says that’s none of her business; Bonnie insists it is, because obviously Stefan is a manipulative liar. Elena defends him, and Bonnie points out that Elena can’t know that Stefan did or didn’t tell a bunch of lies to break up a relationship.

Stefan and Damon are getting dressed. Stefan says they should keep a low profile, seeing as they were at the first Founders’ Day party. Damon says he’ll make sure Elena has a good time, since Stefan isn’t going. Stefan complains about just wanting to live his life. Damon: “You’re dead, dude. Get over it.”

Jeremy filched a pocket watch from the antiques box, but they need to give it to Tyler’s mom for the history bit of the party. Elena accuses him of selling it, but he just took it, since it’s passed down to oldest sons. He tells her to take it and get out.

Oh, Stefan wasn’t getting ready: he brought scotch in to Damon’s room because it was spiked with vervain. He’s not even dressed when Damon pours a glass, then pours it out on the carpet and complains about going to the party angry. He thought they were having a moment!

No, wait, Stefan does get dressed. Zack thought that plan would work, he was sure! Stefan wasn’t.

There’s a huge receiving line to get into the party. Vicki’s waiting in it, when Tyler leaves his parents and leads her around back, because “the line’s too long”. Uh-huh. Not because you don’t want to have to treat her properly in front of your parents (whose house this is, I guess? They were greeting the line, so.).

Caroline’s mom is a cop, working the party, in uniform. She asks who Damon is, and Caroline says he’s basically no one. Mom says he’s too old for Caro, who shoots back, “because if he was younger you’d approve?” Mom asks where Caroline’s dad is, and she says, “Memphis.” Mom says good, and Caro adds, “with Stephen” as she walks away. Ooh, did mom get left for a gay? I love it, I hope Dad is living his best life with Stephen.

So party party party….. A bunch of stuff around the house is from the town’s families, on loan for the party to show off the Founders, I assume.

Jenna runs into Logan, who doesn’t even dodge her barbs; he ignores them and asks her to dinner. She says no and hoofs it out the room.

Elena finds the first Founders’ Day guest list from 1864, showing off how everyone running this town has always run it, and finding some familiar names. Before Stefan comes up with anything, Damon and Caroline pop up, Damon talking about how those were their ancestors, obviously. Caroline says she’s bored and wants to dance, and takes Stefan because Damon refuses. No doubt some little machination of Damon’s, but I don’t think it’s gonna pan out.

Also, why the fuck would a small town in Virginia have a party in 1864?! Was anyone alive? Did they have any food or anything? Like, I know that obviously not every single town would have been in dire straits, even in Virginia, but, like, this feels like a very weird year to choose to have all your vampy goings-on. The midst of war is not usually a time for small towns to have big, fancy parties.

So Damon starts telling Elena about their ancestors, about how all the men in the family are cursed with sibling rivalry, going all the way back to the original Salvatore brothers. Their name was practically royalty in the town until the war. Like… the war they were in the middle of when they had their party?! The turning point was the Battle of Willow Creek, where Confederate soldiers fired on civilians in a church. Damon says the civilians were thought to be Union sympathizers, so the founders wanted to burn the church down with the people in it.

But Catherine was in the church, and they went to rescue her and got shot dead outside. Elena blows by all the questions about Confederates and war crimes and how, in the middle of shit like that, anyone was having a party, and tells Damon she can’t get in the middle of their family shit, sorry, please move on.

Tyler has, of course, hid Vicki the entire night, and now will neither dance with her or show her around, because he’s hiding her. Vicki calls him on it, again, and sticks to her guns this time, only to be interrupted by Tyler’s mom! She’s very polite, but Vicki goes, and she tells her son, “That’s what you get for bringing trash into the party.” Bitch! Your kid is the trash, ma’am, make no mistake.

Bonnie lights a candle with her mind, so that’s pretty cool!

Stefan and Elena reunite and dance.

Logan apologizes to Jenna, and gives condolences for her sister’s death. But Jenna’s not having it, because he cheated on her. Thanks for the condolences, tho!

Stefan doesn’t want to talk to Elena about Catherine, but she tells him that he can, if that ever changes. Also, she’d like to, y’know, KNOW him. He tells her to let Catherine go, that Damon is turning her against him, and she says it must be working, and leaves. But like, she’s right: he tells her nothing about himself, vaguely brings up his ex and then refuses to talk about that, too – so what is Elena to believe? He won’t open up, and other people whisper in her ear. Why wouldn’t she believe them, when he won’t say anything?!

Mrs. Lockwood (Bitch) asks Elena where the pocket watch is, and Elena says she couldn’t find it. I don’t know why she didn’t bring it to the party, weird.

Damon takes a jewel (tho he calls it a crystal) from a hidden compartment in one of the boxes of artefacts. Caro tells him not to steal and he points out it’s not stealing if it’s his.

Logan apologizes again, because someone in that writers’ room really wants to mash these Barbies together. Jenna says yes to a lunch.

Bitch Lockwood berates a cater waiter because the candles aren’t lit in the dining room. Bonnie watches this, then lights them all with her brain.

In the ladies room, Caro hints that Stefan likes her to Elena, but Elena notices something under her scarf – the bite. Elena is concerned, but Caro tells her to mind her business and runs out.

Elena goes right to Damon and tells him to stay away from Caroline, or she’ll go to Caroline’s mom – the sheriff. She then goes to Stefan and tells him he was right about Damon, and she shouldn’t have doubted him. Caro has bruises everywhere – bite marks! Why doesn’t Stefan look surprised? He’s handling it, he says, and there are things he can’t tell her. She needs to trust him. Trust is earned, she reminds him, and before he can, he runs off.

Vicki shows up at Jeremy’s, because of course. I expect that will last exactly until the next episode.

Caroline tells Damon she didn’t tell Elena anything, that Elena pulled the scarf and saw but Caro didn’t give him up, please don’t be mad, and damn, girl. This relationship is no good, baby. He eats her, of course, but while Stefan couldn’t poison Damon’s drinks, he could spike Caroline’s. It only took a sip to incapacitate him, too. He drags Damon away to a cell.

Caroline wakes up and finds the jewel, just as Elena comes over. Caroline starts shaking and crying; must be the mojo wearing off. Elena comforts her.

In the house, a group of founders gathers. Lockwood is still looking for the pocket watch, not believing Elena’s white lie. Logan says he’ll get it, because they need it. They need all the artefacts. Five bodies drained of blood can mean only one thing: The vampires are back.

You guys! What! What happened?!?! We have plot. We have foreshadowing. We have actual human emotions and responses!!!!!

I’m really excited for next week!!!!

SGRoA: Blood Ties: S1 E21: We’ll Meet Again

Posted on November 30, 2023 by Catherine Winters

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I mean, I certainly hope not, but this is our penultimate episode, so I understand the sentiment. Let’s go!

Vicki’s trying to close up for the night when Coreen brings in a walk-in client. His name is Lee, and he hears Vicki takes weird cases. Sure, she says, and because he looks all of 16, asks if Mr. Wilson stole his ball.

it’s an older reference, but it checks out

No, says Lee: “you have to help me find my wife.”

After our opening credits (which I just learned have a RAP VERSE, it plays over the closing credits), Vicki asks if they’ve been together long, or if it was “a whirlwind schoolyard romance”. Lee says 400 years, a dozen lifetimes, and I assumed he’s a vampire, but no. Coreen says they’re reincarnated, and I guess that’s what we’re going with.

Everyone heads off to Henry’s – Vicki calls him “a historical consultant”, because of course Henry should be involved. Sincerely. He’s had the most experience with weird shit. Anyway, Lee admires his art and starts talking some 1920s slang, which Henry parries nicely. Henry decides Lee is telling the truth, so they should take his case: that is, find whoever his wife has reincarnated as in this lifetime.

He starts taking them through his history. First time they got together, he was “a mohawk guy and she was a preacher’s daughter”. Like, in the 80s? asks Coreen, and yes: 1682! So he was a Mohawk, not a punk, lol. This episode so far is very charming, I’m having fun.

They stole a canoe and drowned, but at least they were together. They met at a tree, and I guess I’m supposed to assume they always meet at the tree, but he doesn’t actually say that till the next scene, where they’re all four looking for the tree. Only it’s gone: victim to a shopping mall. Vicki quips about “urban sprawl”, and I won’t bore y’all with it, but I’m super into urbanism and city planning, so, Vicki, you have no idea, trust. (Watch CityNerd on YouTube or nebula, he’s excellent.)

Henry leaves to get dinner, because despite the fact it looks like it’s maybe 10pm, he’s “running out of night”. He tells Lee to trust Vicki, and Lee says he does, and also he needs a place to crash. Coreen offers the office couch, and everyone disbands for the evening. Oh, excuse me, the deep, dark, dead of night.

Down at the precinct, Captain Lady (I forgot her name again, she hasn’t been in an episode since single digits, I think) tells Cellucci it’s time for his performance review. He’s immediately defensive: he’s up to date on paperwork! He’s maximizing his downtime! Closes come in cycles, he’ll be solving cases again soon!

Captain is having none of it. This cycle has Vicki Nelson all over it. If Mike isn’t careful, he’ll be following Vicki into the dark. Review is tomorrow.

patrick stewart making a "yikes" face — Mike’s face rn

Back at the office, Lee is talking more about his past lives. They’re all jumbled, he can’t necessarily pinpoint who he was last time. He’s seeing a car wreck, a red VW, and Alice, his girl. He thinks his name was John? They always die together, and are born as the next babies. Sometimes they have years together, sometimes only hours. Vicki doesn’t find it romantic, but Coreen is completely starry-eyed. Have to say, I’m with Coreen.

Lee describes his wife – tone deaf, hates cats – and Vicki calls Cellucci to start finding her. But, like, why not start with birth records?! They die together, they’re born close enough to Toronto to always go to that tree – why are we going straight to Cellucci? Who, by the way, pretends Vicki is his uncle when he answers the phone, because Captain Crowley (! thanks, Vick!) is still around. She’s asking for an accident report instead, which…. fine, okay, it’s maybe the last bad episode I have to watch, let’s just roll with it.

Some guy in a dark alley throws a knife at Henry, which he catches, and HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS YOU GUYS IT’S BLU MANKUMA!!!!!!!!

Captain Joe Reese himself! Do you think he ever talks about Nick? Wait, he didn’t know Nick was a vampire, did he? How incestuous is the Canadian acting scene?!

Holy crapballs, this is Augustus? Apparently Henry wants to move on, and Augustus Reese is going to help him do that. They set a meeting for the next night at Henry’s place.

The accident report works out for Vicki and Lee. They find Lee’s brother through it – or, well, John’s brother. The accident was 25 years ago, with only one fatality. They go ask the brother about it, and turns out, Lee was in a coma, and it took the brother 10 years to pull the plug. Lee is incensed and yells at the guy that he should have let him go immediately, and of course the brother slams the door on them.

Still no birth records talk.

Cellucci left the accident report with Mohadevan, so Vicki stops in there to read it. Two paramedics got into a fight at the scene, and Alice was apparently a hemophiliac? Which Mohadevan says is very rare in women, but she gets regular emails from the Hemophilia Society, so she knows how many there are in the city, somehow. Just three, so it’s handy that they just sort of… list people’s medical problems in email blasts, I guess?

Vicki and Lee head off to the one woman in the right age range, Helen. Lee knows her at the door, and she certainly seems to know him back, but what’s this? A husband?!?!?! Like, yeah, guy, she’s 25, not 15. Y’all are out of sync. She lies to her husband and says she doesn’t know Lee, and Vicki hustles him out. He fights the whole way, unable to control his emotions.

Vicki asks Henry to talk Lee out of pursuing Helen. Henry refuses, and Vicki’s objections are pretty lame, honestly. She’s 10 years older! She’s married! So tell him to wait a bit, but Helen clearly knew him on that doorstep, and now she’s going to have to make some decisions, but come on, Vicki. Henry tells her she doesn’t understand her client, and that’s true: she’s fighting against belief in him, which isn’t going to help.

So she… gets Helen’s library records?! WTF. How can she even do that? Canada, do y’all have just absolutely zero privacy laws? A little medical record here, a list of library books there… Like, listen, I know America’s a total shithole, but at least Vicki can’t find all the incredibly shitty books I’ve taken out of the library over the years. Damn.

Anyway, Helen has taken out a bunch of books about reincarnation, most of them repeatedly over the last few years. Vicki also has some sort of alert up, because her computer chimes and we find out that a) it’s the month of the anniversary of the car accident, and b) someone sent flowers to the grave of John Smith, aka Lee. But we never get to learn who’s sent the flowers, so I don’t know what this is doing here.

Then there’s a very weird scene of Lee watching Helen’s husband eat a sandwich on a bench. Husband looks up, sees Lee, then Lee disappears when a bus passes, and Husband throws away the sandwich and leaves.

Vicki goes back to John’s/Lee’s brother Jeff, and asks if he knows Helen. He says yes, she came to see him when she was a teenager, and knew things about Alice that she couldn’t have known. He says he once went to see Alice while she was alive and he hit on her, and then Helen told him to forgive himself, because Alice had forgiven him. A pause, then he tells Vicki that she dredges up terrible memories every time she comes, so please leave him alone. Vicki quips back “That’s what my mom says every time I go home for the holidays” and wtf, Vicki, don’t just trauma dump on this stranger! And also, wtf, Vicki, cut your bitch mom off then!

So Vicki calls Coreen and says Helen is a liar, which – yes? Did you see her face on that porch? Were you even there, because I was, and obviously she was lying about knowing him, wtf. Her husband was standing next to her! She can’t just break his heart for something she thought she imagined a decade ago! Jesus, the position you all have put her in, the doubts she’s having, the doubts she had ten years ago… This woman is being tortured, she doesn’t deserve bitch Vicki calling her a liar. Fuck’s sake.

Anyway, Coreen and Vicki head to Helen’s, and Lee is already there, on the lawn, listing all the times they’ve found each other. Vicki’s being a bitch about it, but Helen opens the door and comes out to Lee. She asks why he couldn’t stay away, and kisses him, then tells him it’s too late and sends him away. Coreen goes after him, Vicki stays with Helen – only then they’re both in Vicki’s office, for whatever reasons.

Helen’s pregnant, yikes. No wonder she can’t entertain Lee. She and Vicki have one of those weird conversations about love that’s supposed to reveal something about Vicki, but this episode is clearly written by neurotypicals, so I don’t really understand what’s happening here, sorry. Helen loves her husband, obviously. She also loves Lee, and she will forever, apparently, but this is her first chance at having a baby because of the hemophilia and their timing is ruined and it always ended in tragedy, so…. And all of that I get, but I’m not sure why it’s here, or why we’re in Vicki’s office, or why we have to listen to her deal with her own (incredibly stupid) love triangle.

Maybe I just really hate Vicki, Henry, and Mike. Probably more likely.

Henry and Lee are doing much the same.

Apparently Lee is in Letterkenny, and Helen was on Battlestar Galactica, so that’s a fun fact! Two fun facts!

Vicki busts in on the boys’ night and tells Lee to move on, to learn from his mistakes and move on! So Lee just leaves, and then Henry kicks Vicki out for not believing in happily ever after. And then he pulls the trigger with Augustus, so I guess it’s bye-bye Henry.

We are only halfway through this episode, my god. At least Lee is charming, and Joe Reese was here.

Lee runs into Helen’s husband, who… starts physically fighting him? Pushing him, shoving, telling A 15-YEAR-OLD BOY to stay away from Helen or he’ll regret it. AND THEN ACTUALLY STARTS A FIGHT. With a child!

I – uh – I don’t have anything to say, here. What is this plot?! Helen was just telling us how wonderful this guy is, and he’s starting fights? WITH CHILDREN?!

Lee almost kills the guy, and Vicki and Mike have to fight at the crime scene about it. She tells him about the case, and Captain Crowley walks up to yell at them both and threaten Vicki with jail time for obstruction.

Honestly? Crowley’s right! Mike is throwing away his career to help Vicki, Vicki is obstructing cases! Like, I get it, vampires and gods and past lives and witches and shit, but holy crabcakes, stop meddling! Stop using police resources for your own ends! Stop thinking you can do whatever you want because you used to be a cop, Vicki!

Joe Reese – excuse me, Augustus – is at Henry’s, complaining about the wine Henry serves him. He seems much more relaxed in this new job, good for him. This is actually interesting lore, too: Augustus asks Henry a bunch of questions about what he’s looking for, what the territory he’s giving up is like, stuff like that. I love some good procedures and rules of operations, y’all know that.

Augustus’ family has been keeping the peace between vampires for 4 generations! No wonder he went undercover as a police captain! Gotta keep Nick Knight in check, or he’ll be worse than these jabronis.

Lee stops by the office to thank Coreen, then steal her wallet. Jeff offers him a car, and they reconcile before Lee flees.

Oh, good, last 10 minutes, thank the fates. Vicki calls Mike to tell him that Lee might kidnap Helen, and to look up his old acquaintances from 40 years ago. She also tells him that Lee is dangerous – “He’s been a soldier, a trapper, a thief, a tracker” – and all I can think of is Sinatra. Mike calls the car at Helen’s, but no answer, so obviously we’re all converging on Helen’s.

Lee hustles her out the door, despite her saying she doesn’t want to. He ties her to a tree, seems to be killing them both to restart the cycle? She defends her “kind” husband to him, but again, STARTED A FIGHT WITH A CHILD, and Lee is unfazed.

Vicki and Mike arrive at the house roughly together, and Mike tells Vicki to scram before the other cops show up and they both get in trouble. Vicki goes to Henry, runs into Augustus on his way out, but Henry offers to help because kidnapping is a bridge too far.

Helen is trying to talk Lee out of it. She’s tired, it always ends badly. Lee has a gun on her when Henry and Vicki show up, and Vicki spills the pregnancy news. Everyone’s trying to talk him out of it, but isn’t Henry fast enough to disarm him? It’s a gun, not a stake, what is Henry doing?! Why is he even here?

Next scene, Lee is in the box with Cellucci, because apparently he just gave up? Excellent writing, thanks, love it.

Lee takes a plea, Mike calls the office and tells Coreen, but doesn’t want to talk to Vicki. Vicki also tells Coreen that Henry’s moving on, and we end on a shot of Vicki, staring out at the rain.

Only one more to go!

SGRoA: Blood Ties, S1 E19: Wrapped

Posted on November 16, 2023 by Catherine Winters

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Y’all. Y’ALL. WE ONLY HAVE 4 EPISODES LEFT! Now, I have other nonsense to recap for you – True Blood and all those CW shows that are just pretty people talking (with Captain Kirk, apparently?!?!), but what would y’all like to see? I love doing the vampire stuff, but honestly, I could also do a Star Trek or a book series or whatever your little hearts desire. Let me know on my socials or in the comments!

We open on two men who have liberated a truck from its previous owners. They open it and discover their prize: Incan artifacts, including a mummy. We’re doing 1st-season Buffy?

So of course they open the mummy, desecrate it to find gold, and get eaten by… Danny Trejo?!?!?! My hopes for this episode are suddenly sky-high, at least as far as entertainment is concerned. I know better than to expect them to, like, make sense, or anything.

So, yes, Danny Trejo the mummy gets all plumped back up as one robber takes a gold disc off him. Then he kills that guy, and tells the other guy – Wendell – that if he serves Danny, he’ll live. Cue the opener!

Henry has a dream that Danny is in his house. He tells him he’s made a mistake, asks who the intruder is, and Danny turns around, says “Death!”, and all Henry’s blinds go up and he catches fire. Then he wakes in his bed, and I cheated, cuz I read the description on IMDB (which apparently I should have been doing this whole time, they explain a LOT), but Henry’s kind of vampires don’t dream, so this is a problem. I think this lore is stupid – the function of the brain isn’t completely overridden by vampirism, so why would being a vampire preclude needing to order your memories? (or to sleep at all, eh, Stephenie?) Like, it’s dumb, but it is a problem for Henry, so let’s see what happens.

Vicki’s hair looks terrible as Henry explains this to her, and explains that vampires know when it’s their time to die. Which sounds like spooky magic, but it’s only because they kill themselves, and one tends to plan one’s suicide. Vicki points out he doesn’t have a death wish – unlike her dry-ass hair – but Henry isn’t so sure. Maybe he doesn’t know he wants to yeet himself into the great unknown. Sounds fake, but ok.

Mike and Kate are investigating the truck murder. The guy looks like a mummy, but Mike still wants to get the body’s neck tattoo checked out. Too bad the forensics guys drop a crate lid on the body.

Vicki, Coreen, and Henry are trying to figure out his dream They’re going through books on dream symbology, but obviously, that’s not going to work for Henry – the sun is definitely not a good omen for him. He sketches Danny, and Vicki says his vestments look Incan – which she knows because she took a Meso-American history class to pick up boys in college. Nice, Vicki. No sarcasm, I appreciate the unabashed sluttery.

Henry confesses that he thinks the guy in the dream is real, and that he thinks he’s in danger. Vicki vows not to let him die because of a dream.

Meanwhile, Danny Trejo is Danny Trejo-ing at Wendell’s house. Just eating people, learning about the time and place from sucking their brains dry, being evil and “scary-looking”. I mean, maybe he is actually scary-looking, I wouldn’t know, I know he’s Danny Trejo and isn’t gonna hurt me. Wendell has a very definite Mark Ruffalo vibe, I don’t think he’s gonna make it through this, but you do feel for the kid. He warns Danny that he can’t keep eating people, or someone will notice. Danny says he needs a special soul – a nightwalker, an “undying one like myself”.

He asks Wendell for the amulet that imprisoned him, and Wendell brandishes it like a weapon. But Danny holds up a fist and takes 5 years off Wendell’s life, so, yeah, Wendell, just do what you’re told. Danny cuts Wendell’s hand and drips the blood on the amulet while the captions tell me “weird, squishy music” is playing. BRB, gotta go make a playlist…. This apparently makes the amulet inert, and Danny is now unstoppable – and requesting fancier digs, somewhere “with internet”. (I haven’t lived in a major city without Internet since like 1991, it came with all my cheap, poor person apartments, but what’s up, Canada?)

Mike swings by Vicki’s office, and because this is a good episode, he’s already figured out that his body looks like a mummy, but isn’t, and that the actual mummy is missing. Vicki asks if it’s Incan, and how would she know that? Mike is peeved that not only are half his cases supernatural, but Vicki and Henry seem to be personally connected to all of them. I mean, that’s how TV shows work, Mike. I’m sure there’s dozens of Metro Police precincts that don’t encounter anything weird, because they’re not, you know, dramas.

So why did this specific mummy go missing? Coreen says she assumes it’s a curse or an imprisonment, and thank God everyone’s smart this week. Must help when you copy great works of Incan mummy literature.

yes, yes, whedon is awful, but Buffy still slaps!

Kate’s been doing her due diligence on the Incan exhibit. Nothing is missing except the mummy, and obviously Kate and everyone but Mike think it was crushed by the forensics team. Mike points out that the wrappings for the mummy have been disturbed in such a way that the thieves might have been looking for – and found – something valuable inside with the body. Kate says there was only a ring and a necklace – not enough for the thieves to leave everything else. Kate says there has to be an explanation – maybe something outside the box.

Vicki’s running down the list of gang members Mike gave her – the tattoo on the one guy was a gang sign. She finds his trailer and his name: Ron Newbury. And the museum curator just confirmed the existence of the amulet, and that it’s missing. It wasn’t in the manifest because of reasons, no real explanation. Ron rented the garage where he was found in cash, but the receipt was all Vicki found.

Mike starts giving her the business about collecting evidence in non-police ways, but Coreen interrupts. She’s been digging into the lore, and she’s discovered some stuff about Danny. Namely, that he was a priest who wanted to take over the throne of Cuzco.

He’s named himself Pachacamac, another name for the sun god. But then he switches teams to the god of death, and he starts a cult. They try to take over, but are ultimately defeated, and they bind and bury Pachacamac after trying several times, unsuccessfully, to kill him. Guy’s been after power for centuries, and Vicki surmises that using Henry as bait will help them find Danny – because they seem to already have a connection, and because Henry is pretty sure Danny is coming for him.

See how good your episode can be when your scenes take longer than a five-second YouTube ad? When your characters actually get to discuss things with each other, instead of fighting for no reason?

Danny has taken over a mcmansion in the suburbs, and he talks about how his followers will come, their deaths will be glorious, and no, Wendell can’t leave yet! Be part of the death cult, Wendell! Oh, damn, Danny should have waited 10 years: he would have fuckin loved the Grand Old Party’s descent into death madness.

Henry has another dream, but it’s not really a dream. Danny is specifically looking for him, and through this vision learns Henry’s name. Knows who he’s looking for, now. Vicki tells Henry to guide the dream, to communicate and find Pachacamac. Henry insists he’ll find and kill him, but despite Vicki’s suggestion they use the connection, she now doesn’t want Henry to leave his apartment? and she’s going to guard him during daylight? Ok, fine, I guess nothing can be perfect.

Kate and Mike have an argument about Mike shutting Kate out, again, and leaning on Vicki for too much. Mike insists he has other sources, and tells Kate about Wendell, his latest lead. But we all know Kate’s not wrong.

They go to Wendell’s old place and Mike finds a mummified body, but tells Kate he didn’t find anything and destroys the body. That was a person, Mike! WTF? They also find the amulet, half destroyed, definitely not gold anymore. Definitely not working the same magic anymore.

Coreen is aghast, because without the amulet, how do they defeat Pachacamac? Vicki says that the magic still exists: they just need a practitioner with a grimoire. Vicki says she has the magic tattoos, and she knows someone with a grimoire. Coreen says that’s the dumbest fucking idea she’s heard, and she works with Vicki, she knows from dumb ideas. But Vicki is convinced, she’s the only option, even if Henry will freak if he finds she’s doing magic.

(Also, and this is an aside, because it doesn’t quite fit, but I can’t let it go – A grimoire is just an individual witch’s book of spells and information. Like, I have color correspondences and weather aphorisms in mine, as well as some astrology shit and medicinal uses for botanicals, that kind of shit. Homemade soap recipes, tricks for good bread at altitude. Hilarious to me that “a grimoire” is, like, the pinnacle of magical items.)

Oh, Vicki thinks her tattoos draw evil into her life. Huh. I guess? I dunno, this show is so terribly written that the tattoos should be important, but all they give us is Vicki complaining about them or trying vaguely to use them. So, y’know:

Coreen babysits Henry during daylight to go through his magic books and find a spell Vicki can use. There is actually some nice character building in a little scene between Henry and Vicki, but with three-and-a-half episodes left, I won’t bother with it.

Wendell has found Henry. Well, he’s found Henry’s comics. Pachacamac takes another few years from Wendell because he fails to call them graphic novels, and I laughed.

Mike has compunctions about being a cop – I mean, he quibbles about “good” cops who don’t destroy evidence and shit, but we know about “good cops”.

Vicki rightly points out that this isn’t exactly the sort of thing regular cops deal with. Mike wants nothing to do with it. He wants to be a regular cop who plays by the rules – he’s not made for this.

Vicki finds a spell to use, though Coreen says it’s too dangerous and Henry would never agree. Vicki’s pissed she wasn’t shown all the options, including whatever it is they’re talking about, and tells Coreen to get what they need, get set up, and do NOT tell Henry.

Henry has another dream, where Pachacamac tells Henry to meet him, gives the address, and threatens Vicki. Henry insists on going, so Vicki stabs him with a sword – oh, wait, it’s the sacrifice for a spell?!?!?! They need the blood untouched by sun, and herbs grown in dark, and then Vicki drinks it and it’s gonna… give her power, I guess. She immediately doesn’t need her glasses, so there ya go.

She heads off to Pachacamac’s house, and starts with bullets, which obviously don’t work. She offers him her life instead of Henry’s? Oh, the spell poisoned her for Pachacamac – he starts eating her and then dies, all mummied out again. It’s a little anticlimactic, but not much; they did set this up well, and I think this episode is more about how Vicki’s relationships are breaking down.

She goes back to Henry’s, but he isn’t there: he went out immediately to feed, wouldn’t even look at Coreen. So Vicki goes to the precinct to tell Mike it’s done. Mike also refuses to speak to her any longer. She’s back at the office when Henry turns up, complaining about her use of black magic, and that he can’t forgive her, even if it saved his life.

And that’s the end. Looks like we’re wrapping up Vicki’s whole life here in Toronto: Mike’s out, Henry’s out, even Coreen seems rattled. We might get a decent send-off for this thing… if they can keep it together for three more hours!

SGRoA: Blood Ties, S1 E7: Heart of Ice

Posted on August 25, 2023 by Catherine Winters

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Yes, the next episode is Heart of Fire, and maybe George RR Martin would be riled to hear it, but I’m betting these two are going to be more boring misogyny and baffling conflict-for-the-sake-of-conflict that comes outta nowhere. But let’s find out!

Vicki’s looking for an accountant who just stole $15 million. Cellucci’s hanging with her, because we start almost every episode at stasis: everything is fine with everyone, and we’ll get angry for no reason later. I appreciate the episodicality, the effort to make it a “drop by whenever!” sort of show, but I don’t know if it works so well here.

She goes through his cell records and finds a girlfriend, so case closed! Which is good, because Vicki needs to get paid. Cellucci offers to buy dinner, then invites her to Dylan’s birthday party on Saturday. Dylan is turning the big oh-seven, and he asked for “Aunt Vicki” to come to the party. Cellucci was over at Molly’s house, and Dylan overheard him talking about “seeing” Vicki again.

But Molly’s always liked Vicki, which is nice, but Vicki passed on the birthday party.

Cut to a group of unhoused people, including Francine, who thinks the shelter can “keep their damn salty soup” and then is quickly murdered by something that growls and sees in black, white, and orange – like a FLIR infrared, but not, like, really. Artistic FLIR.

Francine’s friend Annie shows up to Vicki’s office, since Tyrell and Linda have also disappeared in recent weeks. Vicki remembers Annie from working the beat; Annie says Vicki was the only decent cop she ever met.

Cellucci and partner whose name I cannot remember show up to a different crime scene. There’s no blood, so we can definitely look forward to another unhinged Cellucci rant about Henry. 1 victim, a pretty young woman, fang marks on her throat. Cellucci scans the crowd and sees a guy who doesn’t belong: JULIAN MOTHERFUCKING SANDS.

I mean, that can’t be right, and also how sad, because he was just found dead on Mt. Baldy in California. He’d been missing for a while, but weather and other conditions prevented a big search.

In any case, Cellucci tells the crime scene photog to get pics of the guy, but he’s already bolted. Dave, the partner whose name I should remember because it’s the same as my house skeleton, says it’s fine, they’ve been taking pics for ages, they’ll have him.

Vicki goes with Annie to the encampment and searches Francine’s space. No one new around the camp, no one had a beef with Francine. A lot of her stuff is gone already, which is to be expected, but doesn’t give Vicki any clues. She follows some drag marks to a culvert, and they find Francine’s bag.

At the precinct , Captain Lady is going through Cellucci’s desk and haranguing him about going through cold cases. He thinks it’s a copycat or repeat of a “vampire” killer; she’s a bitch for no reason, as usual. Do you not, like, have your own job to do, Cap? You just spend your days and taxpayer funds micromanaging Cellucci 40 hrs a week?

Henry is working while Vicki wants help with her case. Henry’s mad about it before Vicki says she wants to use his nose like some sort of fanged bloodhound, and then Vicki bounces, so the point of this scene is…absolutely nothing. Excellent!

Vicki takes Annie and the bag to Cellucci, who hates the unhoused and thinks their problems aren’t worth investigating. In other words, a “good cop”. Vicki badgers him, and finally he says he’ll help her if she helps him.

Oh! Henry goes to the culvert where the bag was and starts sniffing. They should have put this right after the other scene, because otherwise it looks dumb and pointless, but I don’t know why I expect these people to know how to write. (Credit where it’s due: this episode is much better than the last couple, but they don’t get a free pass just because they managed to follow the rules of procedurals for 15 minutes.) He hears the growling and does his little black-eyed vamped out routine.

Cellucci shows Vicki his vic. She tells him that Henry doesn’t kill, and Cellucci doesn’t buy it. She also alibis Henry, which he also doesn’t buy. Cellucci says if Henry didn’t do it, he’ll help Cellucci solve it. Sounds fun.

Henry runs into what is obviously a human who says he’s hunting a “windigo”, according to the captions, so I assume a Wendigo, which is the usual spelling.

So Henry brings the guy back to Vicki’s, where he (guy) describes the Wendigo as “pure hunger”, which will crack and gnaw one’s bones. Guy maintains it killed Francine, and he knows because he’s met the Wendigo before. It killed his dad, but never came at him, so he’s been hunting it ever since. Anyone who sees the Wendigo is marked for death; it’s followed him here. Oh, he’s unhoused, too. Huh. Didn’t look it, weird.

Henry says the cops can handle this, and Vicki agrees, especially since her deal with Cellucci. Henry refuses to help, though, so who knows.

OMG, IT IS JULIAN SANDS!!!!!! Holy shit. How did they get an actual name in this fuckin show?!?!

His name is Javier Mendoza, pronounced like a Castillian. He says he’s hunting for Cellucci’s killer, and they both know who it is: Henry Fitzroy.

a chipmunk turning suddenly with dramatic sound effect

Coreen is telling Vicki the history of Wendigo myths, that they all stem from people not wanting to believe how fast other people turn to cannibalism in the wilderness, and I’ll tell you what, I don’t like thinking about it either. There was some thread I ran across on Twitter during the Titanic submersible debacle that discussed it, from some sort of expert, and, like, do not go looking for facts if you are easily squicked. People like to eat people, it’s weird.

Javier Mendoza is an officer of the law – CANON LAW. He’s working for the Church, trying to bring Henry down. Delightfully unhinged. Catholics would try to hunt mythical creatures before pedos, wouldn’t they. Makes sense!

Mendoza says he has a way to neutralize vampires so they don’t kill again; he offers them “salvation”. Please. He wants Cellucci to turn Henry over, after claiming that Henry killed a woman around 50 years ago, after “seducing” her. I’ll put real cash money down that she’s related to Mendoza in some way, and that Henry isn’t responsible. I know how narrative works, and I’m pleasantly surprised that this episode seems to as well.

Cellucci, Vicki, and Henry get together to discuss the vampire cases. Henry maintains he didn’t do it. Cellucci asks if there are any other vampires in town he should know about –

– to which Henry replies, “We’re not all in the same book club.”

Y’all, I cackled.

Cellucci has brought every cold cases he thinks Henry’s involved in and starts badgering Henry. Henry recognizes the woman Mendoza brought, and says that yes, he killed her. No further details, and Cellucci knows he can’t bring charges for a 1944 murder, so Henry and Vicki leave, heading back to the encampment.

They go down into the sewer to look for more clues and run into Indigenous Guy from before. There’s growling, and all three of them head further in to hunt the thing. Which they find, and which attacks Henry and Vicki, but lets them go in favor of Guy. Henry ends up injured, and Vicki offers to feed him, but he refuses and says he’ll drop her off. They won’t be catching a Wendigo tonight.

There’s a little montage, and then Cellucci has a “hypothetical” conversation with another detective. If you knew who the killer was, but couldn’t make it stick, and another agency said they could deal with it and put the killer away – would she turn it over, even if the other agency maybe wasn’t as on the up-and-up as the regular cops?

She says she’d hand him over, because the important thing is to get the bad guy off the street. Even if that means no due process.

Coreen is still researching how to kill the Wendigo. She’s got silver bullets and hearts made of ice, and Vicki connects Guy hiding by the fire and Annie being near the fire to the ice heart, so they’re gonna try fire to kill it. Henry doesn’t think it’s their job, and he’s stayed alive by “picking his battles”, but Vicki rightly points out that there is no one else. Guy died, and he was the only one to even know what it was. Cops aren’t gonna touch this. Henry gives in.

Cellucci meets Mendoza at a dumpster, nice place. Mendoza maintains that Henry is just running around seducing and killing women all over the place for the last half-millennium. he says he needs Cellucci’s help, needs him to use some weird object on Henry to sap his power so Mendoza can kill him. Cellucci is hesitant, so Mendoza throws in a little misogyny to get the job done: it’s the only way to save Vicki from Henry’s clutches.

captain kathryn janeway, rolling her eyes

Vicki has a super soaker flamethrower, which is a choice on the prop master’s part. Explains why it was only a hundred bucks, though.

Oh, look at that: Mendoza has his “murder victim” imprisoned, and he’s going to let the sun kill her, because she’s a vampire. He tells her that he’s going to “save” Henry, too. Yup. That’s a canon cop.

Cellucci goes to find Vicki, but runs into Coreen, who presses some silver bullets on him. She describes them as “supernatural penicillin” – even if they don’t kill a creature, silver will almost always hurt one, or weaken it.

Vicki and Henry find the Wendigo, but Vicki’s flamethrower craps out at the last minute. Cellucci saves them with the bullets – yay! But then puts the object on Henry and reveals Mendoza – boo!

Mendoza takes Cellucci’s gun and locks him and Vicki out of the room he’s got Henry in. (Why the sewers have rooms with gates and locks, I have zero idea.) Vicki and Cellucci leave Mendoza to it, and the episode ends.

TWO-PARTER! I would have preferred a more drawn out battle with the Wendigo, then, but I guess we have to leave a full 40 minutes to defeat poor Julian Sands. See ya next week!

SGRoA: Blood Ties, S1 E8: Heart of Fire

Posted on August 22, 2023 by Catherine Winters

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Y’all. I will not lie to you: I am high as shit rn, had a whole bowl and then remembered it was recap writing day. But! I will not leave all, like, 4 of you who read these in the lurch! And who knows, I’ll probably be funnier, that would be my luck. Let’s do this thing!

You may remember from our last episode that Mike “Goddamn” Cellucci put an amulet on Henry “Fucking” Fitzroy (yes, I gave them nicknames) so that Julian Sands could capture and kill Henry on behalf of The Church. This was all after killing a Wendigo and solving the last case, as well. Busy bees!

So we open on Mike and Vicki exiting the sewers. Vicki is pissed. They have a huge fight in the street where Cellucci blames his bad behavior on being a cop, and for once, I agree!

Julian (I forgot his character name, sorry) is torturing Henry, obvies. I don’t know what’s actually more painful: the physical torture, or the quoting of Revelation. A hundred smutty fanfics have been inspired by Henry on that St. Andrew’s cross though, I know that.

At Vicki’s office, she and Mike have stopped fighting, and he’s telling her about the amulet. It’s called the iluminacion del sol, shaped like a sun with 8 rays. Vicki sends him back to the precinct to look up everything he can find on Javier Mendoza, which is Julian’s character!

Oh, lol, I completely forgot there was another case, with the vampire-bitten sex worker. Oops. Dave found out her name: Amy Davidson, street name Champagne. Captain Lady is on a rampage, so that Kate girl says she’ll cover for Cellucci’s absence and babysit his I guess unauthorized search for Mendoza’s background.

Javier is reading Henry’s biography, for some reason? or, like, charges? court charges of… vampirism?

Wait, it’s a flashback, Julian is the priest in both timelines. Really getting the vibe that part 2 here was not written by the part one writers, tell you what. It lasts like 15 seconds, anyway, I don’t know why it’s here?

Mike and Vicki question a friend of Champagne’s, ask if she ever had a date with Javier. Friend doesn’t know, but Friend definitely did. He took her to an old church, where he had a woman chained in the basement. The woman tried to bite Friend, who pepper sprayed everything and ran.

So that would be the vampire that Henry made, and Javier killed in the last episode to “save her soul” after repeated torture. Nice. Didn’t think this storyline was gonna go anywhere, seeing as how I forgot it existed, but I take back my earlier critique.

In Flashback Time, Henry asks the girl…guarding him? (ok, sure jan) for water. It’s the mid 1500s, and she’s got a loose veil hanging long from one pin in the back of her long, flowing hair. Historical accuracy is, uh, not a concept for these guys, eh? And then we’re back in the present, where Javier attaches some tubing to the Iluminacion del sol and starts emptying Henry of his blood.

spock and kirk from TOS. kirk says "whut?"

Like. Can you use vamp blood like that? Just, like, throw it on your plants or put it in moisturizer or something? Will it weaken Henry to lose it like it does humans? Why does Henry have blood flowing like humans do? Is that vampire biology, do they make blood? All the time? I’ve been thinking they eat the blood, and then the body converts that to whatever systems/substance animates them, like we do with food, just, like, way more efficient. And maybe magical, I’m not sure, it’s fantasy, after all, and I’m not a world-builder. This is just so… weird.

So Coreen is researching the Iluminacion, and she goes to see some professor named Dr. Sagara, and clearly we are supposed to know this person, who also knows Henry – but you guys, I have no clue who this bitch [affectionate] is. Never seen her, hadn’t heard the name except when Vicki said it a couple scenes back.

More torture – ohhhhhhhh, the bloodletting is so he’ll be hungry! Doesn’t explain why it’s in his veins, tho, but whatevs. Blah blah God, blah blah torture, blah blah Flashback Time.

Vicki and Mike roll up to the church, so confrontation and rescue are imminent – or are they? We’re only halfway through.

Javier shows Henry Delphine’s “confession” for more torture. A lot of monologuing from our villain.

Plot Twist! Delphine is alive, in the church Vicki and Mike went to. But before they can rescue her, the blinds open automatically and she’s sunlit toast. They search the church and find that Javier had been surveiling them. Mike is getting cold feet about being a dick to Henry: he thinks no one should die like Delphine did. “She wasn’t alive,” sneers Vicki, but to his credit he won’t be needled like that. “No, I mean, no one should have to be so vulnerable and alone.” Right on, man. Maybe someday I’ll take the “Goddamn” out your name

They head back to the precinct to regroup, and Kate has the results of the background on Javier Mendoza: bupkis. But she googled the name on the off chance, and he was a Grand Inquisitor who specialized in getting confessions out of witches.

to be honest , I kinda saw it coming this time

Apparently at the church they found a cup with stuff in it. Turns out that’s a Chinese herb for longevity and vampire blood. Javier has been making his own immortality potion to hunt vampires. Damn! Van Helsings could never. They do some actual investigative work and figure out Javier is hiding in another church – walking distance to Chinatown, just like the last hideout.

Vicki and Mike are checking churches, she wants to split up, he doesn’t, so obviously they do. I assume this was solely so Mike could complain about Vicki’s demon tattoos and how they seem to protect her, and so she would be in more danger when she finds Javier.

More Flashback Time with Henry and 2007 1500s girl. I’ll be honest, I don’t care, but it does show us that Henry isn’t hurt by holy objects. Girl lets him out and he eats her, which seems mean. Oh, wait, he changes her. Seems like that would need more consent, but ok.

Dr. Crusher rolling her eyes with the caption, Sure, Jan, from the Brady Bunch meme

Vicki is indeed in a bunch of danger: Javier grabs her before she even knows it’s the right church. He uses her as another form of torture, and reveals he’s still mad about 1500s Girl, cuz he had to kill her.

Mike calls Coreen when Vicki doesn’t call in. She has news about the Iluminacion: it steals the vampirism out of people, and Javier will have a key for it that will release if turned counterclockwise, but will destroy the heart if turned clockwise.

Javier leaves Henry and Vicki alone, but Vicki saws through her ropes. Mike runs into Javier on his way out; his pistol-whips him and takes the key. He bursts into the room and Henry attacks him, but Mike still gives up the key and the way to save Henry. But Henry doesn’t drink that much, just enough to go after Javier – whom he summarily devours, after saying a decidedly post-Vatican II Catholic grace.

Vicki pockets the Iluminacion, and everybody goes home. The end!

Gotta say, everything picked up with this two-parter. I was much happier doing these two recaps than I’ve been since FK ended, truth told! Decent pacing, a pretty good story, adequate – sometimes good! – writing. Let’s hope they keep it up!

Moonlight, S1 E2: Out Of The Past

Posted on April 15, 2021 by Catherine Winters

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Happy Thursday, Snowflakes! Like every week since March 2020, this one has not been eventful, but it was pleasant just the same. We’re working up some plans to redo our lawn this summer, which I know is only exciting to other 40-something homeowners with lawns, but it’s also the only piece of news I have, so there’s that. Let’s get started!

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Catherine Winters

Author, Trekkie, Troublemaker.

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