Hello, Snowflakes! Today we have commentary from Geraint Wyn Davies and James D. Parriot – our “star” and the creator/producer, respectively. This episode was also directed by Davies, so let’s see how much whining Nick does, shall we?

We open on an old guy behind a huge, empty desk. Does he work? Maybe, but apparently his to-do list was short, and he was able to clear that thing off in no time.

James and Geraint are talking about how many eps have been in this DVD set. Thrilling, guys.

Some young dude is also in the office, drinking old guy’s liquor and getting yelled at about how he’s a “liability to this company”. Young guy offers some sort of promissory note? Because he needs money, I guess? I don’t know, Geraint and James talked over most of it.

Cut to a club, and Young Guy – who played a vampire himself, at one point, which just makes me want to create Six Degrees of Fangs – is drinking straight from a bottle and “dancing”. Old Guy is walking to his car, and you can see where this is going, right? BOOM. No more Old Guy. And this is apparently only the first car Geraint blew up in his directing career.

Over the credits, Geraint tells us all the friends he brought in to act in this episode, and completely spoils the next one – Black Buddha, Part 1. I mean, I guess if you’re listening to the commentary, you know what’s coming, but still.

Nick won’t lend Schanke a dollar, which seems awfully miserly for a dude who’s rich. Then they get called to the scene of the explosion, and Nick’s off in Flashback Land, wherein we learn that he knew Old Guy. They’re discussing Nick’s fortune, and OG’s name is Charles! Which we know because Nick says it like forty-seven times.

Geraint and James are talking about haircuts and beards.

Young Guy’s name is Sean, and I’m guessing he’s the heir apparent, but again, I don’t know, because talking. He’s gambling somewhere – does Canada have a lot of casinos?

OMG. It’s That Guy who looks like Michael Gross but isn’t Michael Gross! Colm Feore, apparently. Check it:

Colm

Michael

I mean, it’s not like they’re twins or anything, but I do a double-take every time I see one of them, to make sure it isn’t the other one. I mean, Michael Gross obviously calls for Family Ties jokes, and Colm Feore doesn’t, you know?

Anyway. He’s the casino manager? I guess? Nigel Bennett is way more considerate about letting you get the story when he commentates, is what I’m saying, here.

Sean goes to the morgue and identifies his…dad’s (?) body. He asks Nick for discretion, because his business relies on secrecy? I guess it’s some sort of financial services, right? Anyway, Schanke thinks Sean did it, but Nick thinks a bomb is too flashy for someone to use if they just wanted to inherit quicker.

Flashback time again! This is much longer ago, in the seventeenth century. Nick and some dude have stolen the ransom for the Dauphin of France, who organized his own kidnapping. And then, of course, Nick’s going to kill the human accomplice.

Geraint and James are telling me all about the fencing, and how they didn’t know if they’d be coming back for another season. Ah, so that explains it: I always thought Black Buddha was a two-parter across seasons, but it’s all on the third season DVDs.

And now they’re telling me how this show couldn’t be done without the flashbacks. Meh. I’m pretty sure there’s plenty to mine in Nick’s current predicaments, but you know. Some of these flashbacks have been shitty, so I might be biased.

Nick goes home to burn his financial records, and we learn he has 478 million dollars in 1995. Not bad. But for 800 years, without getting trapped in a coffin for 150 of them? He could have done better. Maybe he should have considered going into trade.

James and Geraint think that we won’t have as much sympathy for Nick since he has all that money. Yes. That’s why we don’t like Nick. The money.

Sean goes to the office, through the crime scene tape. Nick heads to The Raven, where we have to hear about the lighting. Nick is telling Janette about how Sean’s firm has handled Nick’s money, and Janette tells him it’s dangerous. And that she knows Sean. Does she think he’s capable of murder? I DON’T KNOW, because Fred Mollin, the music guy, is in the background!

Sean accesses a Swiss account.

Nat’s found something, but I don’t know what. I do know that Catherine Disher is great with camera angles.

The subplot is apparently about Schanke giving gambling tips to the uniforms? And getting in trouble for it. THIS, they don’t talk over.

More spoilers as Nick comes in to give Cohen an update. He has a suspect, I guess?

Sean does a wire transfer, prints out the confirmation, and then destroys…the printer. Oh, 1995. You don’t know how things work, do you?

Nick goes to see some dude with an ascot and a creepy mustache who’s growing plants indoors. But, like, actual plants. Not the kind typically grown indoors, especially in Colorado.

You can smell the warehouses out here.

Nick’s asking Ascot about the money – the deBrabont Trust. Ascot says he’s tracking it, but Nick should just have plants. The money automatically transfers to a Swiss account in the event of Charles’s death, but Nick’s access code isn’t working. The money’s gone.

Sean, meanwhile, is giving Colm Feore the printed confirmation and saying they’re “even”.

Back in the seventeenth century, Lacroix is telling Nick that he’s been greedy, and he’ll pay for it. Vampires should only take what they need. Oh, I get it. Blood Money. See, Nick? Should have gone into trade. Maybe Black Industries has an opening for you.

Nick goes to the casino? Which is also the club, I guess. Sean and Colm are jawing at each other in the office, and Nick stands outside, eavesdropping.

Oh, Nick directed that stupid episode about the lesbian who wanted a baby. Jeez.

Nick’s waiting for Sean in Sean’s Porsche 911. Sweet ride. Nick asks what happened to his money. Sean won’t talk, so Nick mojos him, but it doesn’t work because Sean is drunk as a lord. Which…it seems like it would be easier to mojo a drunk person, doesn’t it? Anyway, Nick takes his keys and gives him a lecture about greed.

Schanke is…I have no idea. Following up on that suspect? But the building explodes before he can go in. Nat has more evidence, but again, I don’t know what it is – only that it’s registered to Sean – because Geraint is telling us about how his kids just walked by in the background.

Oh, a pager! It was a pager that detonated a bomb. They bring him into the station for an interrogation, but they don’t really have enough to hold him, and his lawyer springs him. Schanke wants to tail him, and Nick agrees, even though he thinks Sean’s the target, not the bomber.

Sean goes to the office, but then gets dragged away by someone else. Nick and Schanke follow, back to the club/casino. Colm is threatening Sean. He has some other random dude tied up and says he can kill the guy in a way that exonerates or implicates Sean. Colm demands half the deBrabont Foundation’s funds, but…I thought he already got them?

Another flashback. Lacroix says that material wealth is a burden, but…No. Not for vampires.

Look, money buys things. Goods, services, people, justice. We all know this is how the world works. Want a good forged passport? It’ll cost you. Need one to get around in the 21st century when you’ve been alive for several hundred years? Yeah, you’d better hope you have the “material wealth” to make that happen. It’s not all Birkin bags and Dom and designer clothes. It’s having enough money to move freely in the world when you’re dead, and everything you do is a lie for the outside world. Poor vampires are very soon dead vampires.

Sean makes another transfer. Colm kills the dude anyway, and now Nick and Schanke, who have been listening, ride to the rescue, because Colm is going to kill Sean, too, and make it look like suicide driven by guilt over embezzling from the Foundation.

There’s a big chase scene, and Sean goes back to the office to…I don’t know, take the money back? Nick’s being shot at down in the club while a Fred Mollin original plays, and now I know whom to blame for all the really bad “rock” “music” in this show. Stick to theme songs, Fred.

Schanke’s outside the building? Because that’s where they were listening from? Anyway, he finally gets in, and he and Nick find Sean in the office, and Colm tries to shoot Schanke but Schanke kills him, shooting the computer in the process, which gives Nick a sad, because you can only access your Swiss account from one individual computer ever.

In the coda, some uniforms win the lottery, and Schanke’s all upset because they wouldn’t go in on the office pool with him. Nick gets his money back and moves it to Luxembourg, which has better secrecy laws, anyway.

Next week: It’s the Special Features disk!!! Then on to Black Buddha, Part One. No exclamation points. Season three starts with a bang and a whimper, and I’m not looking forward to it.