Guys, this is the last disc in season 2, and it has previews and an “About The Show” and fan questions AND two commentaries! What the what, yo. They pulled out all the stops, apparently.

“About The Show” is a 20-minute feature; “Questions From Fans” is 8 minutes of people answering questions. Perhaps – if you’re lucky – I’ll throw up an extra recap for those. They seem equally fascinating and risible. But for now, I think I’ll just do this week’s ep with Nigel Bennett’s commentary. I know I love that.

We open on an observatory. A nerdy scientist with huge glasses comes down the stairs from the telescope to talk to two other scientists at a computer. Apparently, glasses dude ran a diaper service with his wife in Toronto that Nigel used for his second son. Can anyone else picture Nigel as a father to human children?

Yeah, me neither.

Everyone looks very tense, and the astronomers at the computer – both women – are fighting about the results they’ve come up with. The younger leaves with Glasses, and the older starts crying. Nigel is telling us that FK came up with a lot of stuff that other people copied – “We were there before Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for example…before films like Final Impact. We came up with the idea of the asteroid hitting the earth.”

I think he means Deep Impact, the worse of the two asteroid movies, but also, I’m pretty sure the dinosaurs would have serious disagreements about you guys “inventing” asteroid impacts. Meteor impacts? I’m not sure asteroid is the word to use, here, because isn’t it just an asteroid when it’s in space? And if it’s in the atmosphere, it’s something else?

Anyway, nice try, Nigel, but no. Asteroids came up with that idea. Or maybe gravity. But not you guys.

Older Scientist has killed herself, which is why the gang shows up at the observatory. She left no note, though, so Nick is suspicious. OS – Dr. Carter – hadn’t been depressed or anything, and Glasses tells the gang about the impending asteroid impact, and how this rock is larger than the one that caused the dinosaur extinction (maybe.). It explains why Carter offed herself, and after extracting a promise that the gang won’t let this leak, we’re on to the opening credits.

Of course, Cohen knows, and some other scientist is saying they’ll check the Toronto team’s work at some other university and at JPL in California.

John Kapelos directed this one!

Schanke and Nick are very subdued in the car, and Nigel’s telling us about how TV shows do interior car shots. Schanke’s convinced it must be a joke, because how can the world be ending? He gets to the precinct and calls Myra immediately. Which…I’m glad that Schanke’s going to spend some time with his family, considering that I’ll be recapping “Black Buddha” in two weeks. If you don’t know what happens, I don’t suggest you look it up if you don’t want to be spoiled.

Nick goes in to see Cohen, who’s staring at family photos and bemoaning her inability to plan for anything. Nick isn’t convinced that this is all on the up-and-up: Carter left no note, didn’t call her family, nothing. Why would anyone act that way at the end of the world? Cohen gives him two days to work on the case, but after that, she says, she’ll need him – no doubt because obviously this news is going to get out. Even if the university and JPL try to keep it quiet – because what good is there in warning people about the end of the world if they can’t do anything to mitigate it? – someone’s going to talk. Someone always talks.

They go down to the lab, and Nat says that Carter definitely fired the weapon, and all evidence points to suicide. Nigel mentions CSI and how after the show forensic science advanced much farther, so Nat’s not talking about the same things crime shows would talk about now.

I have another reason for that:

Anyway. Schanke goes on his way, and Nat says she’ll go back to the evidence to find something new, because nobody wants the world to end. Nick encourages her, and he seems pretty cheerful, but maybe that’s just because he’s looking forward to the sweet, sweet release of death.

Some uniform on a brick phone tells his friend/lover/whoever that the world is ending. Boom. The news hits the media early the next morning, and people are talking about blowing up the asteroid with warheads and they’re rioting in the streets and blah blah, you’ve seen the movies. Tellingly, there are no police tanks on the streets. So, for reference – End of the world in the 90s? No tanks. Peaceful protest in the teens?

Yeah.

Anyway. Nat calls Nick the next evening and says there’s bad news, he should get down to the lab. There’s a rash of vampire victims in the morgue, because why not drink people down? (Nigel tells us that the makeup lady did puncture marks really well. I don’t disagree.)

Nat’s gotten more bodies in a day than she usually sees in a month; half the force didn’t come to work; and Carter’s death was, really and truly, a suicide. The world is ending.

They feel fine.

Cohen sends everyone onto the street, but Nick wants to stick with the Carter case. Cohen says fine. Schanke stands at his desk, looking stunned. He just talked to his broker, and he made a quick five grand on the market – which is closing tomorrow. All markets are closing. This would be foreshadowing.

Lacroix tells all his faithful radio listeners (Nick) about Tunguska, and how it pales in comparison to what’s coming for them in plus or minus three months. And finally, it’s Flashback Time!

We’re in Pompeii, and OMG DIVIA DIVIA DIVIA YASSSSSSSS!

Anyway, Nigel’s telling us about how he had to have a half-body casting done for the bust of him that appears in this flashback. He’s a Roman war hero, just back from a campaign. He’s got a hot…wife? I think? He talks about “her daughter”, but I always thought she was his daughter, too. Anyway,Divia was sick, and then seemed to be healed “by magic”. Mom walks away, and some friend of Lucius’s (Lacroix, obvies) comes up and starts talking about how Divia never plays outside and is always silent and pale. He doesn’t think it was a cure.

Divia comes out of her room, and Lacroix is pleased to see her, but she’s just sort of hovering in the background and doesn’t come to greet him. Nigel says the actress was wonderful.

Nick’s driving around, for some reason – oh, it’s to stop vamp attacks. And presumably to investigate the case, but at the moment, he’s stopping vamp attacks. And then he goes to The Raven to ask Janette to rein everyone in, because they might be exposed.

Dude. You have bigger problems. Which Janette points out – if they survive, how will they eat, if there’s no people?

Huh. It never occurred to me that they might survive the impact and shockwaves and fires and all. But then, you’re left with a world without sunlight, so…Maybe they would live? I just kind of figured everyone would be gone, boom, right away. But if that’s not the case, there will be people. They just won’t be able to eat them all down. And one would hope that some of those vamps have a brain in their heads, and could maybe help everyone survive, right?

So maybe Nat’s optimism in the next scene, where she tells Schanke that she had contemplated suicide, but then realized she doesn’t have to die, isn’t quite so misplaced.

Nick goes to see Young Lady Scientist, who has a swanky house, because her husband is in real estate investing. She doesn’t understand what Nick’s looking for, exactly, and I’m not sure that Nick even knows.

Cohen takes him off the case, and Schanke heads home to Myra, while Nick heads down to see Nat in the lab. She asks him for “immortality”, and Nigel supposes that Natalie has always flirted with vampirism, which, duh. Nick refuses, because of course. Nat is all, “This is just evolution. Humanity’s gone, replaced with a better species!” The answer’s still no.

Lacroix breaks into Nick’s house and complains about the cow’s blood in the fridge, telling Nick that he wants companionship, and that the young ones will starve, but he won’t. Nigel tells us A) that he was standing in the bathroom doorway during this scene, and he assumed it was the least-used room in a vampire’s house, and B) that he feels Lacroix was telling the truth, here: he always wanted companions, and that’s why he made them.

And we’re back to Divia! Lacroix is passed out on his Roman bed, and telling us about how he was at a conference and some woman had a mousepad with that screen-shot on it. Divia comes in and wakes him, and Vesuvius goes BOOM. Lacroix’s all, “I’m the most powerful general in Rome! BRING IT!” Divia knows better, and asks if he’ll live or die. “Live,” he says, and CHOMP.

In the future, Lacroix asks Nick what’s worse: dying, or living in “a more permanent hell”? Nigel makes kind of a tortured analogy between carnivorous dinosaurs and vampires – they’ll live longer, but then have nothing to eat.

Nat goes to The Raven, because why the fuck not, right? Janette spies her, however, and tries to get her to leave – “This is not a very good place for a mortal to act as if she doesn’t care.”

The army has taken over the squad room, and they still have less gear than regular beat cops do today.

Seriously. Way smaller guns.

Schanke tells Nick that the markets opened back up, and people are making a killing that they’ll turn into living underground. “Nick, I’m telling you, people are making money on this.” And there’s the epiphany.

At The Raven, the dude that Nick stopped from chomping on someone tries to chomp Natalie, but Janette steps in.

Nick and Schanke go to the observatory and break into the computer, which somehow confirms their theory.

Nat steps out for some air, and dude is still trying to mack on her. She tells him he can have her – if he changes her.

Nick and Schanke go back to Young Lady Scientist’s house with a warrant.

And best line of the episode goes to Janette. One of her vamps says, “What happened to your mortal friend?”

“She’s laying down in the back.” EPIC SIDE-EYE. “She’s not my friend.” 

YLS is drinking champagne, because her husband is coming back from New York. There are all sorts of inconsistencies in her story, and they found a program on her computer that tracks markets. Her husband didn’t come home right away, and it’s because he was buying things up for pennies on the dollar. If the market recovers, he’ll make a fortune. And the markets are obviously going to recover. It was all a ruse to collapse the markets to make money.

Yeah! Stimulus! Ask me how an alien invasion can help that plan!

Janette calls Nick and tells him she can’t find Nat, so he heads to Nat’s place. Nat has also headed to her place with the vamp, and she brains him with a statuette and tries to get away from him. Buyer’s remorse, I guess? It doesn’t much matter: Nick comes bursting through a window and there’s a vamp fight and they wreck Nat’s apartment. Nick stakes him. He tells Nat it was all a hoax.

In the coda, everyone’s celebrating…with donuts. Which even Nigel laughs about.

And then he charged the building with obstruction.

Nat’s still all confused, and short with Nick, and she goes to hide in the lab with all the new dead bodies.

And we get one last flashback from Pompeii – where, yes, Divia calls Lacroix “Father”.

Next week: The last episode of the season! It also has a commentary! A one-per-center is framed for his father’s murder! Before they were called “one-per-center”s!

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