You guys, I’m going to Florida on Monday. Yup. Disney World for Spring Break. How cool is that? But of course, it means I’m in the middle of roughly all the laundry in the universe and trying to get three people packed, because we leave at the asscrack of dawn on Monday and I have to work all day Sunday, as usual. This recap is going to be like a mini-vacation, all on its own.
AND! No worries about next week, because I’mma knock two out for you and then schedule the post. So while I’m burning to a crisp in the sweet, sweet Florida sunshine and eating my weight in oranges, y’all can still come and read all my sarcastic, swear-ridden comments on the goings-on in 1990s Toronto. See? I love you.
Also, I feel like I need to share this screencap from the DVD menu.
Jazz Hands!
Because I love you.
SO! Nick and Schenke are on COPS – well, the hosted, more documentary-esque version of it they show in Toronto. Schenke’s being a ham, of course, and Nick’s not saying much, because of course. They get a call, and Schenke’s still mugging, but Nick tells them to stay down and out of the way.
Some dude’s been shot in the street in front of his BMW. A witness says the perp went “that way”, and Nick starts looking around for him, all while telling the camera guy to stay out of it. The perp opens fire, and Nick gives chase, but can’t follow the guy without giving his vampirism away, so he’s all pissed at the camera crew.
Nick complains to Stonetree about it – the journos are in the way, he can’t do his job, can’t they be assigned somewhere safer? Stonetree says it’s the commissioner’s call, not his, so Nick just has to make the best of it. And too bad for Nick: the camera caught some shots of the shooter, so they might be able to ID him from the footage.
Down in the morgue, both the host of the show and the cameraman can’t handle an autopsy. They run to the bathroom, which is good, because it gives Nick a little space to flashback to the Civil War, where he mojo’d soldiers out of their pain and into medically beneficial comas. “Dr. Knight” isn’t pleased with cameras on the battlefield, either, and he especially won’t be when he sees the pics the young photog describes as “damned strange”.
In the editing room, the COPS team enhance an image of the shooter in ways that are simply not possible, then print the frame out for the guys. Nick apologizes to the host, telling her that he was wrong to oppose their involvement. As he’s leaving, some dude in suspenders comes in. He’s pale, with black hair and a widow’s peak, and Nick stares at his back for a second before moving on.
Back in 1860-whatever, the photog has pics of Lacroix feeding on men who’ve fallen in battle. Dr. Knight is not pleased.
And in the present, the host of COPS has video of Nick being shot, though obviously he never reported any such thing.
So obviously, we’re working with the “how do you keep yourself hidden when there’s proof everywhere?” concept. Also, we’ve established that these vampires can be captured on film and on video (and digital, it stands to reason). I love when this show touches on these existential questions. I mean, really, this only gets worse as time goes on, right? For thousands of years, they only ever had to worry about people believing what they saw. And that’s easy enough to manipulate. People do it to themselves all the time: It was a trick of the light. It wasn’t really him/her, just someone who looks like him/her. I’m imagining things. I’m tired. I’m stressed. Whatever.
And it must have been wonderful to watch science come in and start erasing belief in the supernatural. How big was that sigh of relief, do you think? But the problem with science is, it doesn’t matter whether you believe in it or not. Big, bulky Victorian cameras would have been awful. But not as awful as a “pics or it didn’t happen” world, where we upload all day long to prove our lunch was delicious or we actually went on vacation or whatever.
WAIT A MINUTE. Do you think vampires invented Photoshop, just so we’d never believe what we see? HOW BRILLIANT WOULD THAT BE. YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY. *runs off to jot that down for a novel*
OK, I’m back. And so is Lacroix! At least, 1860-whatever Lacroix. Nick tells him to take a hike, and Lacroix starts listing off the wars they’ve seen together. He “doesn’t care for the conflict, but I can’t stay away from the free food.” Awesome.
Nick, of course, doesn’t “prey on misery” by eating the soldiers. BORING. Lacroix asks if the photog got him on film, and mentions that these cameras are a nuisance. If the photog does have proof, well, Lacroix says, Nick knows what that means. Nick objects, saying “that’s not necessary.” Lacroix tells him to take care of it, then, because if Nick doesn’t, “the Enforcers” will.
Schenke shows up at Nick’s loft with the COPS crew (You know, I wish they had names. This would be easier. Or at least a little variable.) and lets them all in, even though he’s only supposed to use the door codes in an emergency. CameraGuy complains about the light, and Nick talks about his skin condition. HostLady asks Nick if he’s sore from being shot, and he’s all, “I didn’t get shot.” and walks away, then hustles everyone out the door.
Uh-oh.
Schenke’s chasing down leads on the day shift, aided by a sketch sent from Vancouver PD that matches the pic they have of the perp. HostLady – OOH, her name is Tawny.
Do not Google image search “Tawny” on a shared computer. This was the SFW photo.
WTF, FK? That’s a terrible name.
Anyway, Tawny starts asking a bunch of questions about Nick. Schenke doesn’t have much to say – “Knight’s not what I’d ever call a ‘sharer’.”
Back at home, Nick puts on the same clothes he was wearing the night before – but wasn’t wearing when everyone broke into his house – and checks his jacket which does, in fact, have a hole. But then he goes into work in another outfit, so why he had to put that one on…Yes. Continuity errors bug the shit out of me. How did you know?
They go to a motel to track down the perp, and someone’s checked in from Vancouver. They go to check out the room, and Nick reminds Schenke to be careful because the dude’s a shooter. Doesn’t, you know, stop to get him a vest or anything. Dude predictably opens fire, and shoots CameraGuy. Schenke takes CG out of the building, and Tawny follows Nick with the camera. Trouble is, Nick goes out the window and flies to the ground to apprehend the perp.
Uh-oh.
Nick tries to put the mojo on Mathew Brady 2: Non-Electric Boogaloo, but he’s having none of it. He has proof! These pictures are amazing! And just why is Dr. Knight trying so damn hard to make him forget it?!
Schenke gets in trouble for waiting for the Cop Watch – that’s the name of the show, bee tee dubs – crew before interrogating the suspect. Oh, that Schenke! Meanwhile, Nick tries to put the mojo on Tawny, but she, too, is having none of it. Damn journalists. She figures out that he’s trying vampire tricks on her, and she tells him to stay the hell away from her. She has a duty to release those photos to the world.
Matthew Brady 2 is dead in his tent, and a couple of snarling vamps are responsible. They almost attack Nick, but Lacroix insists the fault was his, then explains to Nick, “The code, Nicolas. The code.” Snarly 1 and Snarly 2 break the camera and smash the plates, then light the tent on fire.
Nick goes to see Janette, and she urges him to fix it. She also tells him that Nick has to destroy the tape, because as long as the tape exists, he won’t be able to make Tawny forget about it. And he has to do it soon, or the Enforcers will come to enforce the Code, whatever it is. Who is sending these Enforcers, and for whom they actually work or to whom they answer, isn’t stated, or even hinted at.
Tawny shows the tape to Creepy Dude, and tells him that Nick tried to hypnotize her. Creepy asks if she made duplicates of the tape, and she says she’s hidden the originals. Has she shown it to anyone else? Nope. Just Creepy. And he should keep it quiet – which isn’t a problem. He won’t tell anyone – no doubt because he’s an Enforcer, as we can surmise by his leaving the building, vamping out, and flying away.
Schenke’s increasingly desperate grabs for stardom are not the comedic relief they’re supposed to be. We could have done without them entirely and focused more on whatever passes for an Empire in this universe. That, I would have loved.
Nick does his thinking time in the car this episode. Thank God. That makes a lot more sense than playing 52-pickup in his pajamas.
Tawny goes back to the studio. The Enforcers have killed the security guard, because that’s inconspicuous, and start following her around all fangy and snarly. Do they speak? Like, are they not allowed to use their words, or something?
Tawny runs into a room and Nick’s already there. He tells her to do exactly what he says, and they both might live. She wants to know what the Enforcers are, because they look like vampires OMG YOU’RE VAMPIRES. She takes Nick to the tapes, but doesn’t want to hand them over. While they’re arguing, the Enforcers bust in through a window, and HOLY SHIT THIS DUDE IS TOTALLY TRYING FOR EMPIRE LIVERY:
I mean, the bolo tie kills it, but dude. YOU GUYS. I feel like everything I know about Mircalla Karnstein is a lie!
Nick convinces Tawny to hand over the tapes and gets her to submit to the mojo. The Enforcers go away, even though Empire dude wants to kill Nick. Nick takes Tawny back to the editing bay, and she wakes up all, “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep on you!” and then Nick’s off to find Creepy the Vampire and tell him to move on. They show each other their teeth and growl a little, and then Creepy runs away from Nick, because that’s a compelling argument.
Nick hosts a viewing party at his place, and while there, Schenke gets a call from his agent, who’s dropping him. And everyone laughs at Schenke, and it’s still not funny.
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