Y’all! I saw Dr Mohadevan in a movie!!!! She played a nurse for like 30 seconds, she did great, just like she does every week for us on this… delightful show that I chose to recap. Yup. No one to blame but myself….
We open on Henry and Vicki watching the 1922 Nosferatu. Henry says it’s sad that Orlock kills himself for passion – after all, vampires feel the sun long before they see it, and he chooses to stay. Vicki gets visibly uncomfortable with Henry’s flirting, they almost kiss, blah blah.
Look, I’m not against romance. In the book series this show is based on, all the characters are likeable, and you do really feel that Vicki is struggling between Mike and Henry, because they represent very different life paths to her. In the books, this sort of character building pays off, and lets us understand the characters better and enjoy the stories more.
But this is a late-aughts, syndicated on Lifetime, vampire TV show. The writing has gone almost out of its way to make these people awful, if not downright vile, and I just cannot give a flying fuck who they end up with. This isn’t character building; these scenes in the show are conflict for conflict’s sake, and they honestly just piss me off. Gonna go read the source material just to get these assholes out of my head.
ANYWAY. Some guy is lifting weights. Subtitles tell me it’s Andrew, so sure, and thanks for letting me know how grunty he is while lifting. Andrew cuts himself while futzing with the weights, and his blood melts concrete? I rewound, but no, that’s concrete, damn. His blood opens a circle and a pentagram, and some Ethan Hawke-looking motherfucker pops up and promptly kills Andrew with super long nails to the neck. Cue opening credits!
Vicki’s demon tats are burning, and she says she should just get them removed. Coreen says she shouldn’t, that they’re powerful, but Vicki doesn’t trust it and doesn’t know how to use them. She also throws in a jab about how they’d be worse if they were Hello Kitty, and, wow, Vicki, rude.
Vicki and Coreen start getting snippy with each other, because this is 2007 and it was a truth universally acknowledged that two women couldn’t have a conversation without being bitches. Thankfully, they’re interrupted by Camille Stokes, seeking Vicki’s services.
She’s a psychic, and she had a vision of Vicki dying at the hands of the demon Andrew summoned, presumably. Vicki is snarky AGAIN, but Camille is insistent, and Vicki tells her to call if she has more visions. Even so, Camille leaves and Coreen is concerned – the pentagram, the chalice, the knife, all these things were supposedly destroyed after the last demon encounter. Henry took care of it. “Yeah,” says Vicki, “I thought he did.”
Down at the precinct, Mike is taking a call about a clawed body. Like an animal? Apparently, yes. Poor Andrew, we hardly knew ye. Kate offers to go with him to the crime scene, since Dave is in court.
Vicki pushes her way into Henry’s apartment over his protestations that it isn’t a good time. She wants to talk about Camille, and gives the bum’s rush to Henry’s lady friend. Oh, the knife and stuff are from the Norman Bridewell case, which was obviously 11 or fewer episodes ago, and yet I have zero idea what we’re talking about. I think that was the incel who summoned demons? Did he look like Ethan Hawke? Is that who the demon is?
Anyway, she interrogates Henry about destroying the stuff used in that summoning, and he says he “took care of it”, not that he destroyed it. Oh, because he separated them. Vicki wants them destroyed, and yeah, that seems the better plan? Why didn’t you just do that, Henry? But he agrees to contact the friends who have the other items (he has the knife) and destroy everything tomorrow.
Camille is… hanging out by a dumpster? PLOT TWIST: she’s the demon in disguise! What! I’m genuinely surprised, good going, episode 12!
And yeah, I think this is that incel guy. He contacts Astaroth, the demon who wants Vicki, for whatever reason, and of course Vicki and Henry are going to gather the shit Norman needs to summon so he can snatch it from them. Again, Henry, why didn’t you just destroy stuff before?!?!
In Mohadevan’s lab, Mike and Kate have no ID, but enough evidence to assume it’s the same killer as “5 months ago”, and Kate notices built forearms and palm callouses, pointing to a hockey player. Mike isn’t thrilled about this being Norman again, or a copycat, but he is impressed with Kate’s deductions.
He’s not as impressed that Vicki leaves her office door unlocked, but, like… it’s an office? She has clients coming in all day? Weird ask, Mike.
He tells her about the body, she tells him about “Camille”, he tells her to go to his sister’s vacation home in Mexico for a while. She tells him it’s not like witness protection, and she’s right. Lore says demons will find you. Mike asks what the plan is, so she tells him, and the we cut to her and Henry gathering items.
Vicki, predictably, is a bitch to Henry’s friend holding the chalice, and I like that he’s a bitch back to her, but she could just… not be a bitch. Like, I think they’re trying to show her as fed up with demons or being in danger or something, but she has just been vinegar in every scene, complaining, whining, yelling, confronting. I don’t get it.
Henry’s friend put a concealment spell on the chalice, so it won’t be seen ever again, and that’s that. He’s not helping find the thing, even to destroy it, because it’s safely invisible and probably not able to be destroyed anyway.
Vicki walks home because she’s so pissed.
Kate tries to get some info out of Mike about the case and Vicki’s connection to it, then settles simply for warning him away from it when he doesn’t give her anything. He tells her he won’t work too hard, and she says she’ll buy him a drink. Oh, good, rope another person into this bizarre love triangle.
And… chalice friend is dead. Obviously saw this coming, we were set up to, but Norman dressed up like Vicki to kill him and take the chalice – because the magic of the concealment spell dies with the one who cast it.
Mike and Kate are of course called to the antique store where the chalice was hidden to examine the body. They’re bouncing some theories back and forth when Vicki shows up, because Mike called her. Kate isn’t thrilled, because Vicki’s NOT A COP ANYMORE. This is Kate’s first homicide case, I think, and no, Mike, she doesn’t want a civilian fucking it up for her. Just because you think Vicki can do no wrong doesn’t mean it’s true.
Vicki makes a snarky comment about bodies first thing in the morning, and Kate says it’s “always nice to have a joke at a crime scene”, and Vicki responds with “OUCH”.
VICKI. WTF. You’ve been a raging cunt to everyone in this episode and you can’t handle Kate’s actually incredibly mild joking criticism? Seriously? Seriously.
Vicki tells Mike about Maurice, the chalice guy, and that the killer has what he came for, and he just needs a couple more things. She goes back to the office and tells Coreen to track down Camille, the psychic, because she may also be in danger. Vicki isn’t going to just give in; she’s going to find the other items and destroy them.
Oh, hey, look at that! Remember Dr. Sagara, the random pop up character that they all acted like we knew already? Turns out she’s one of Henry’s closest friends, and he gave her the grimoire used in the ritual. Vicki is outraged by this, but I don’t know why, and I refuse to care.
But just minutes after telling a grieving Henry that he isn’t responsible for Maurice’s death, she tells a grieving Henry that he’s painted a target on Sagara. Which one is it, Vicki? Is Henry responsible or isn’t he? Or do you just want to yell?
Henry refuses to contact Sagara, because he maintains that doing so would put her in danger, would lead the demon guy right to the book. Vicki wants to go get the book and burn it, right this minute. They have this conversation on the street, by the way, within hearing distance of an unhoused person.
Who is, of course, Norman. Jesus Christ, Vicki, were you a cop? I’m starting to have my doubts.
So I’m guessing Dr Sagara is dead. Fuck’s sake.
Sure enough, he shows up dressed as Henry, she hands over the book, but she also distracts him with talking – first about how much potential Norman had, which pleases him, and then about making Vicki truly love Henry, like she did. Huh, all this time, I thought Dr Sagara was pretty cool, but knowing she fucked Henry makes me suspect she’s just hiding her awfulness better than Henry or Vicki do. Anyway, Norman doesn’t kill her, so yay, I guess?
He does, however, take the advice to go tell Vicki he loves her. Advice meant for Henry, of course, but he goes to her office and repeats some of Sagara’s words about fear, and he gets Vicki to kiss him.
Which goes badly, because Norman doesn’t know how to kiss, obviously. So Vicki changes tack and says they should go get the dagger from his apartment and burn it and the book. To which Norman-as-Henry responds, “the knife is in my apartment?”, and then knocks Vicki out cold.
So he can show up as Vicki, at Henry’s apartment! It’s like someone saw that X-Files 2-parter where Mulder and the Area 51 guy switch bodies and thought it would be as charming to do with these horrible flesh bags. It’s not. Not even a little.
Real Vicki tried to call Henry upon regaining consciousness, but Henry doesn’t answer. He seems to be fooled, but obviously knew it wasn’t Vicki when she failed to scream at him as soon as he opened the door. He almost kills Norman, but Vicki busts in at the last moment for a Vicki-on-Vicki fight. Real Vicki gets the upper hand through her tattoos, and Norman turns into himself and then bats and whooshes out the door. Vicki kisses Henry for real, for some reason? because Norman slashed him? and she’s bleeding? does that hurt him that badly? … Well, they kiss, anyway, and then Vicki says she has to warn Coreen that Norman shape changes.
Which, of course, he does again to get into the office and snatch her. Trade the dagger for Coreen, meeting place at his apartment, all to get us to the big showdown.
Camille’s body turns up, and she had a record, so they can ID her. She lived in Norman’s building, and Vicki conveniently calls just then to tell Mike she’s headed to Norman’s apartment. Mike tries to dissuade her, but of course that won’t work or it ruins the cool ending sequence!
Kate calls out all Mike’s secretive nonsense regarding this case. He says he’ll fill her in when he can, but she knows that’s a cop out. She tells him he can keep it all to himself, and that’s exactly who he’ll have for backup – himself. She won’t help him when it all hits the fan.
Oh good, last 10 minutes! I do have to admit, this episode has kept it together much better than most. I’m just mad that none of the characters are worth a pinch of spit.
Everyone converges at Norman’s, and of course, it looks like he’s going to prevail. There’s a little chanting, a little portal opening, and then he slices Vicki with the dagger. But what’s this? Vicki had the dagger blessed by a priest on the way over? The spell starts faltering, Norman gets stabbed, and they throw him into the portal to close it – but not before he confirms that weird stuff has been attracted to Vicki since she was branded, and that she should embrace the power of her tattoos.
whoo boy. I have to give it up to the writers for keeping the plot together (enough), but fuck’s sake, why is Vicki a bitch?!
