Welcome back, Snowflakes! I actually remember this episode a little, so I’m looking forward to this one. As I recall, it is very silly, and of course includes the must-have trope for all vampire television ever: The Vampire Drinks From The Human and there are CONSEQUENCES. Let’s get started!

We open on a tight closeup of Mick’s face, eyes yellow, head all sweaty. The camera is doing this weird pulsating thing that makes it difficult to watch if your eyes or brain are weird (I have both!), and we get Mick’s signature useless voiceover about drinking blood: “What if the one thing you needed to survive is the one thing that would make life unbearable?”

Obviously, he bites Beth, and then we’re going to work back to this moment, I assume. Though somehow next thing Beth is gone and there’s just Mick, in a bathtub full of water and plastic ice cubes (like, super-obviously plastic, no one was caring on set that day), doing the Record-Scratch, “I bet you’re wondering” trope. He bets we’re wondering how he found himself “near death in no-star motel hell”. I mean, I read the summary on the DVD box, so I’m not really, but I know that’s how the meme has to go, so continue.