Ooh, does the whole episode take place at 8pm, the deep, dark, dead of night? I kid, I kid. Let’s finish this!

A psychic shuffles her tarot cards and tells Coreen that she knew she would return. Coreen points out they have a weekly appointment. Ah, but she would return with a specific problem, and Coreen says she did – only it’s Vicki’s dumbass love triangle. Coreen, you’re too nice.

Vicki is on the phone with her abusive mother, who’s being abusive. Lovely. We cut back to the psychic, channeling something that says it wants to help Vicki, too, but her protections are too strong. So instead of being like, hey, demon, GTFO, Coreen takes the psychic’s hands and gets possessed – and Vicki’s tattoos burn as she drops the phone.

Cut to the theme song!

Vicki tries to get hold of Coreen, but she won’t return calls. Vicki goes through her datebook and finds the psychic’s card, so heads over there. Psychic says yes, Coreen was there. Vicki asks what else she had planned for the day, and the psychic says “everyone should be hearing about it shortly.” Vicki asks if there’s some joke she’s not in on, and the psychic says she should have gone to the demon willingly. Vicki hauls her up against the wall, but she doesn’t know where possessed Coreen went, just that she got in a cab, and the psychic is now awaiting her reward. Vicki punches her out: “Consider that your first installment.”

We’re off to a good start, here, and I’m guessing the demon is Astaroth, who gave Vicki the tats in the first place. Poor Coreen, though. She doesn’t deserve possession.

Coreen goes to a strip club, immediately chokes the bouncer. There’s like 4 people in there, since it’s the middle of the day, and the stripper is wearing devil horns, which is cute, but also, like, full-on pants, which seems a little weird for a stripper.

Vicki goes to Henry, and it’s apparently taken her four hours to do so? because she tells him that Astaroth has had Coreen for the last four hours. Time on this show is so bizarre. They don’t know where to begin to find her, except that the psychic said everyone would hear about it –

So Vicki calls dispatch, gives Kate’s badge number (!!!!), and asks if there have been any reported disturbances involving a Goth young woman. Henry teases her about using Kate’s badge, and Vicki says, “Please. She’s too busy primping and preening herself in front of Mike to notice.”

I don’t even know where to begin with this one, my god. I guess we end the series where we began: Vicki’s a bitch! ACAB! All the hits!

Anyway, there was a disturbance at Club Vinyl, so off they go.

Mike, meanwhile, is on a kidnapping task force. Hannah Tang, daughter of a Chinese telecom owner, was abducted that morning at her home. Probably Asian gang related, and during the briefing, Mike’s phone is blowing up – from Vicki, obviously. Mike’s pissed, because Crowley kicks him out of the briefing, and refuses her plea for help. Vicki says if he doesn’t help, if cops get there first, someone will die. Mike reluctantly agrees to help after Vicki says it’s Astaroth.

Coreen is kissing the dancers on stage; the club patrons seem to think it’s just a little performative lesbianism and are super down. But Coreen isn’t enjoying this; her face is contemptuous, sneering, hateful. She kicks the other girls off and starts spinning on the pole; security is trying to remove her. Cops show up just before Vicki and Henry, and Astaroth tazes them so she can fight Vicki and Henry instead. She immediately throws Vicki off, but Henry is able to knock her out with Mike helping by distraction.

They take Coreen to Henry’s and cuff her to his bed. I assume we’re doing some sort of exorcism. Astaroth wakes up and tells them it’s not about what he wants; it’s about what Vicki wants.

Henry and Vicki head out to find a priest, leaving Mike to watch Coreen. But Mike very rightly points out that he’s probably going to get fired, maybe already is, for walking out on the task force. Vicki doesn’t care, it’ll only be five minutes, thanks, Mike! and walks out the door.

She and Henry head to a soup kitchen, which to an American lapsed Catholic doesn’t seem like a place to find a priest, let alone an exorcist priest, but maybe Canadian clergy are more into the actual helping of people, and not just the status afforded by a collar. They have a brief discussion about Henry moving; he talks about Toronto as being something he wants that isn’t good for him, and we all know he really means Vicki.

Father Cascioli says it’s been a long time; Henry quips that if he does more midnight masses, Henry will show up more.

The good father says he can’t help them. Something happened last time he did an exorcism, but this guy is, like, 35 tops. He absolutely would not be an exorcist in the Catholic Church, tell you what. Henry and Vicki guilt him, and obviously they’ll get their way: it’s their show.

Astaroth is giving Cellucci shit about coming in second to Henry, but, like, it’s a demon. He’ll just pick anything that can hurt you. He moves on to Mike’s dad, then offers powers to help Mike solve crimes – and hits on the abductee. Astaroth shows him some vague images, and Mike demands to know where she is. Astaroth says nothing’s free: won’t Mike prop up Coreen’s head so they can be more comfortable?

Before Mike can do so – and obviously get attacked or whatever – Henry, Vicki, and Cascioli come in. Exorcism! Let’s begin. Exorcism! Look out sin!

Lololololol, no one did any research. Guy’s wearing a red stole and says “Holy Ghost”. Midnight Mass this definitely is not. You can buy a Roman Rite on Amazon for, like, $30, too, so they could have bothered, but then it probably wouldn’t be a Blood Ties episode. He says like two lines, and then they just let Astaroth talk.

Turns out, he took out Coreen’s heart. She’s dying, but that also explains where she was for four hours when Vicki was dicking around. Vicki runs off to find the heart, and Astaroth is left to poke Cascioli about the last exorcism and offers Henry sunlight and blah blah. We all know how TV does exorcisms, right?

Mike has gone back to the precinct, and is immediately suspended pending formal dismissal. He hands over his badge and his gun while Dave and Kate watch, and Vicki is waiting outside. She apologizes to him, but of course he’s not having it. She says there’ll be a hearing, and he suggests a vampire character witness or Coreen shooting blood from her eyeballs, that’ll help!

But what really pisses him off, he says, is that he spent a year trying to get over her, and a year trying to get back with her, but Vicki can’t trust anyone. Mike knows it’s not Henry he’s fighting: it’s Vicki, it’s all Vicki, it’s always just Vicki.

Vicki says she can’t be with anyone because of Astaroth, but come the fuck on. “How do you make plans with something like this hanging over your head?” I don’t know how to tell you this, Vicki, but people just live their lives. People are still having kids, getting jobs, falling in love. The planet’s on fire and everyone wants to be a fascist, but we still have to live! Joy and love are the only things to strive for when everything sucks!

Coreen gets to come out for a bit and apologizes to Vicki for getting her involved, but Vicki was already involved.

Mike and Henry are interviewing the cab driver. He took Coreen for Indian food, she kept talking about demons and vampires, she was in the bus station for an hour or so. She came out looking down, said she had man trouble – she’d lost her heart.

Back at Henry’s, Vicki asks Astaroth why she’s so important to him He needs her to open a doorway for him, so he can be fully in the world, and she has the strength he needs. He casts some shade on God (well-deserved, honestly), and offers Vicki power, and her sight back, obviously. Oh, the priest is still here? He stops Astaroth from offering Vicki more, but, like, what else is he doing? Why is he hanging around? They can’t exorcise Coreen because of the heart thing – shouldn’t someone just be chilling in some headphones, not listening, just guarding?

Bah, after 21 episodes, you’d think I’d know better than to expect logic!

Mike asks Henry to mojo him so he can figure out where the abducted girl is. Henry does; Mike realizes it’s a crypt, not a cell as he thought. He calls Kate, but she dismisses him – and then of course looks up the name he gave her, along with birth and death dates.

Astaroth is taunting Cascioli. Vicki asks if he’ll be able to finish this, and he tells her never to doubt him.

In the home 10-minute stretch! Mike and Henry try locker 666 at the bus station, and bingo bango bongo: Coreen’s beating heart.

Vicki drops it back in with what the captions tell me is a “growly-squishy sound”, Cascioli continues the exorcism, and Astaroth goes into him, instead, leaving Coreen dead. He stabs Henry with a big ass sword, knocks Mike out, then tells Vicki her tats can save Coreen or send him to hell, but not both.

So she saves Coreen, because this is television. Oh, she tries to send him to hell, but he gets away, saying he’ll see her soon. They un-impale Henry, and Coreen seems perfectly fine, and Mike – left, I guess? No one seems terribly concerned that a demon is running around in a priest’s body except Henry, who is convinced that Vicki will turn to black magics now. He wants her to go with him, but, like, whyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?! She’s so awful! She makes you worse, Henry!

Oh, here’s Mike. The abductee was where the demon said, day saved, apparently. Henry again says not to trust demons. Mike kisses Vicki and leaves, telling her that Astaroth is her problem now, leave him out of it.

Vicki wants to go after him, and Henry tells her not to, but she says she has to try to “make it right”, and Henry’s all, sure, great, “so be it”, and leaves as well.

End credits.

Well. That was… definitely one of the vampire shows of all time! I’m not at all disappointed that Vicki’s alone and unhappy: all of her decisions led to that. I’m disappointed but not surprised that she let Astaroth get away; people in movies and TV are always making very bad choices to save their loved ones, I guess it’s a typical thing? No one can save the world without also saving every friend they’ve ever had, but, like, life has consequences, sometimes people die. Letting the world burn so you can get yours is – well. How we got here as a society, so, yeah. My least-favorite trope, in fiction or in life.

I would highly recommend the books this series is based on, by P. N. Elrod. They are excellent, actually well-written, and worth looking into, especially if you like any of these episodes.

I’ll be back in the new year with a new series. Please do leave a comment or catch up with me on my socials if you have any ideas of what I should do next!

Happy Holidays, see you in 2024!