SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S1 E18: Under Control
Doubt it’ll be anything as good as Janet would produce, but do y’all think she’s having a great summer, knowing that the world tour is ruined? Let’s get started!
Stefan’s doing pull-ups on one of his house’s rafters, and when Damon comes in to complain about how loud his music is, he switches to push-ups on the floor.
I’m not gonna get into it. They’re vampires, they’re dead, whatever the fuck this is, I cannot care. Thank god I don’t do drinking games: we’d all be dead by episode 3, if not sooner, just on lore violations alone.
Y’all. I am so sorry. I tried to do a recap stone sober. I don’t know what I was thinking - maybe that it’s only 12:30 on a Thursday, and I was feeling pretty good, so I didn’t actually need a bowl, or some bullshit. I apologize. Deeply. I promise, I will be funny from here on out.
OKAY. Damon asks Stefan when he’s going back to school. And urges Stefan to drink human again. Apparently the exercise is for detox purposes, and Damon makes fun of him for it, because they don’t have to kill! There’s blood banks! Damon himself hasn’t hunted a person in… way too long, actually.
Stefan won’t be swayed, because of course not. This is a Puritan nation! No fun can be had unless you’re evil, and we all know that good food is the absolute worst fun an American can have, because it can lead to FAT. As a certified FAT already, I side with Damon. Bottled blood is bad, Stefan. It’s not preferable, but y’all seem very into killing, so that’s what I’d go with. Especially since the raveyard vamps have it out for you.
Stefan insists he has it under control. Everything is fine. Everything is under control.
Y’all, I got dressed like hours before I sat down to recap today, and I chose this t-shirt. For real. Some days, I think I really am a witch.
Damon doesn’t believe a word of this, of course. He leaves the glass of blood after bidding Stefan a good day, and Stefan almost breaks before Damon comes back for it. Under control. Sure.
Elena and Jeremy’s Uncle John shows up. Jenna seemed to know he was coming, and is not fond of him. Neither is Elena, though Jeremy seems all right with him. He’s there to yell at Jenna about how he won’t sign escrow papers to sell “his brother’s office” - the kids’ dad’s office. Apparently he has final say because Elena and Jeremy are minors, but Jenna’s in charge of raising them? He’s the estate’s trustee. Messy. Messy arrangements there. Do not like. Bet there’s embezzling.
Elena comforts Matt.
Jeremy hangs out with Tyler, who offers him weed, but Jeremy declines. They’re speculating about Vicki’s death, whether she OD’d, why she was buried. Jeremy’s gonna figure this out.
The little Mystic Falls Founder Council or whatever they are meet. Vicki’s death is officially a drug overdose; her family has been notified; only they know it’s vamp-related.
Ooh, Uncle John is here to speak. Damon walks in late and Sheriff tells him that he’s a Gilbert: “John, though I call him Jackass.” Nice. Guy is slimy as shit, just oozing across my screen. I’m sure the actor - one of Those Guys - is great IRL, but he does scumbag so beautifully.
David Anders
That guy, David Anders. In a bunch of stuff. Anyway. He’s here to tell the Council about blood bank thefts happening in the next county, as well as a bunch of missing people. The Mayor says not to get too excited, and Sheriff says it’s because he doesn’t want to cancel the Founder’s Day Kick-Off Party.
These people have Founders’ Day every 72 hours, feels like. What on earth is it like to live in Mystic Falls? Would I even need drugs? Or is just trying to get a handle on any sort of time system enough to fry anyone’s brain? Is it like a parallel dimension? Some sort of hell plane of existence?
At school, Alaric asks Elena to take a look at Jeremy’s vampire essay. Alaric asks how she does it, how she lies to everyone she knows, and she doesn’t actually answer the question? She just says that it’s not safe for people to know the truth, so she lies. Wait. Does that answer the question?
I’m so fucking autistic
At dinner, Jeremy says he doesn’t want to go to the Founders’ Day Kick-Off Party, it’s too soon since the last one, which was like a month ago, wasn’t it? Ha, no, he doesn’t say that last bit. He doesn’t want to go to the party, though, and Uncle John is all, “Of course you do, because I’m an adult and for some reason when NTs turn 18 all memories of being a child fall clean out of their heads and they start thinking only adults are people, and we can tell everyone what they think and feel.” Also, “it’s tradition.”
They’re Gilberts, they’re Founders, they have responsibilities to the town. One day, he’ll tell Jeremy all about their heritage - when he can appreciate it. Jenna chimes in from the kitchen about the famous Gilbert lore, and how she was never told it, because she’s not a Gilbert. OH. They’re not related! I thought they were brother and sister, but no - he’s the dad’s brother, she’s the mom’s sister. Okay.
Also, Jenna hates him because they used to fuck on the regs. Glad we established whose families y’all were from before that bomb dropped.
Elena tells Stefan about Jeremy’s paper, and asks if he thinks Jeremy might be starting to remember. I’m sure they will discuss this to death, decide to never tell Jeremy anything about anything, and it will blow right up in their faces. Kind of a boring sideplot, actually - not Jeremy remembering, I’m all for that, I’m pretty sure you can’t fuck around with people’s brains like that and have it always work perfectly - but the whole nonsense “drama” that comes from just withholding information for no good reason. It’s lazy. I don’t expect this show not to be, but I still get to object.
LOL, Stefan thinks that “Damon took those memories away for good”. WHAT? No, my guy. No. That’s - Damon damaged his brain? Damon gave Jeremy brain damage, is what you’re saying. No, Stefan. LOLOLOLOLOL.
Stefan reassures Elena that he’s fine, so they start making out, and he gets a little aggressive, then super vamped out. Oh noez! Teh horrorz! It is not under control!
Damon comes by to let Elena know that Uncle John is on the Council, and Elena says she’ll add it to the pile. But more importantly, she’s concerned about Stefan. When will he be normal again? Damon says maybe never, and frankly, Stefan might need to accept that and reconcile himself to being, you know, A VAMPIRE.
Stefan is drinking. And brooding.
Elena takes Jeremy out for a little brother-sister chat. She wants to probe him about the essay and the vampires, obvies. But she also tells him that she’s adopted! Finally! He of course doesn’t care, and she affirms that they’re siblings, no matter what.
Damon and Stefan show up to the Founders’ Day Party, again, and I swear the pianist is playing a jazz version of “Meet The Flintstones” as background music. Delightful, 10/10, no notes!
They stand in a corner trading jabs about drinking and being vampires before Stefan bolts to have yet another glass of whiskey. This will turn out well.
Mayor says some platitudes to Kelly and Matt, which Kelly doesn’t appreciate. She goes off to get a drink and Tyler comes around the corner with a bottle for him and Matt. Matt puts up a token resistance, but then takes the bottle.
Elena shows up and immediately finds Drunk Stefan, who invites her to dance - though Sober Stefan never does. He reassures her that he’ll only be drunk until the cravings subside, and then goes to ask the DJ (where’d the pianist go?) to change songs. Kelly, who’s wandered into frame, says good luck to that - she tried to bribe the guy with $20 and a date and he said Mrs. Mayor has the playlist on lockdown. But no worries! Stefan mojos the guy!
Stefan starts dancing with Kelly, because Damon has drifted in to ask Elena if this is an alternate universe where Stefan is fun. Neither of them look like this is a good thing.
Jenna and Alaric meet up.
Drunk Matt actually dances with Elena.
Damon flatters the Sheriff. She says she had doubts about him, but he and the Council have proved worth her time. She also tells him about the blood bank thefts, but they’re interrupted by Jeremy asking for an update on Vicki’s case. She confirms it’s an overdose, and he asks then why was she buried? and Sheriff says it’s still under investigation. Now go away.
Elena bumps into a guy while dancing, and he’s an ass about it, so Stefan mojos him into apologizing to Elena.
Elena and Damon run into each other; she brings up Stefan’s behavior, and he brings up Jeremy’s. He offers to compel Jeremy again, but Elena tells him not to.
Tyler hits on Kelly. [emoji eyeballs here]
Uncle John comes outside to threaten Damon. He says it’s like 1864 all over again, they’ll have to burn the vamps out, but there’s more to that story. He knows about the raveyard and that they’re all out. Damon reminds John that he can rip his throat out, and John accedes, but then again, John’s probably on vervain, and that isn’t worth Damon’s time. Damon walks away -
then immediately comes back, snaps John’s neck, and throws him off a balcony.
Elena finds Jeremy brooding, and he tells her he thinks there’s some weird coverup about Vicki’s death. Elena tells him to move on, that “whatever it was”, Vicki’s still dead. Jeremy seizes on the word “whatever”, and insists she tell him what she thinks it was. She brushes it away, and says that she’d tell him if she knew anything.
Kelly is flirting with Tyler by talking about Vicki. Kelly is probably in her 40s and Tyler is a minor, by the way. Just to remind you.
Elena and Matt go out for some air and find Kelly and Tyler kissing. Matt pulls them apart and starts throwing punches, obviously, but Tyler gets the upper hand and beats the living shit out of Matt until Alaric pulls Tyler off. Kelly runs; Mayor comes out and tries to disperse the crowd.
Damon offers Stefan “the bad news, or the very bad news,” and Stefan opts for no news. Damon says, oh, you don’t want to hear about “how the Council’s back in vampire mode, or how I just killed John Gilbert?” and then WALKS AWAY.
King shit, honestly.
Stefan starts after him, but then gets, like, aurally attacked by Kelly’s quiet crying in a corner and her heartbeat. OH, she got hurt in the fight, or got blood on her? Anyway, blood. Stefan doesn’t listen to a word she’s saying, and she’s actually showing some self-awareness, amazing. Stefan wipes the blood off her forehead in slo-mo and only snaps out of it when she asks what he’s doing. He bolts, then licks his fingers clean at the first moment of privacy.
Damon goes back to the party, grabs a drink, sees Uncle John walking in.…
Sees Uncle John walking in?!
Mayor gathers everyone around the official charter bell to ring in the sesquicentennial of Mystic Falls. It’s 150 years old! Uncle John is the special guest who gets to ring the bell, and aha! Another fancy magic ring from… Isobel, maybe? Who gave birth to Elena? While under the care of John’s brother? Damon points it out to Alaric, who just says that he doesn’t know shit about his wife, apparently.
Stefan runs into the asshole from the party out on the street, and guess what? He’s still an asshole. And he gets chomped.
We are in the last ten minutes of this action-packed episode! I actually like these party ones, I think the writers do pretty well, here. Parties call for the sort of in-and-out one-liners that the VD writers excel at, and I don’t find them nearly as annoying when thusly deployed.
But alas, the party’s winding down, and Jeremy comes home. He’s beaten everyone else, so he goes searching in Elena’s room for… vampire items? evidence about Vicki? In any case, he finds Elena’s journal and finds out his memories were mojo’d away and that the vampires are real. That happened fast.
Oh, Stefan wasn’t even on the way home, he was just in the driveway of the party. Because Elena comes out looking for Stefan, finds Asshole lying on the ground, and when she offers him help, finds he’s mojo’d.
Tyler apologizes to his father for the fight. His father - the Mayor, remember - punches him in the face and tells him it’ll be the last time Tyler embarrasses this family.
Matt is packing a bag - for his mother. She doesn’t want to go, but he insists he’s better off without her, and that certainly seems to be true. She apologizes to him and promises she’ll get it together - and she doesn’t make any excuses here, so good for her - but Matt isn’t swayed. He tells her to be out by morning.
Damon and Alaric escort John out of the party; John asks if Damon’s going to kill him again, or if he’s going to let Mr. Saltzman do it. Oh, yes, he knows Alaric. He knows a lot - more than the Council does, and more than the Council knows he knows. If he dies for real - if they snatch the ring - he has a failsafe that will send the Council documentation of everything he knows - including the original story of the Salvatore brothers.
His ring is inherited. He gave his to Isobel - and sent her to Damon when she wanted to be turned - but he wouldn’t have if he’d known she’d give it to Alaric. The one he wears now is his brother’s - also inherited (from their dad, I guess?), and went to John on his death.
And whom did Damon think had sent Isobel to him? Katharine? Oh, yes, he knows about her, too. But enough conversation. He says it was nice to meet Alaric - he’d heard so much about him - and turns his back on them to walk away.
Elena and Jenna end up at home, and Jeremy looks weird, but says he’s fine. They go to bed, and Stefan scares Elena in her room. He confesses about Asshole - even though he didn’t eat him after all. Lame. He’s in withdrawals or whatever, I HATE vampirism-as-addiction metaphors. Oh, look at that, Stefan’s leaving Elena again. Or trying to. She won’t let him. Bet he goes anyway. Yawn.
LAST TWO MINUTES! I can’t believe I managed to finish this in one go.
Stefan goes home. Damon wants to talk about the problems they have with the Council and John, but of course he can’t, because Stefan is too strung out. Damon basically calls him a dumbass - the urges are too strong, because Stefan suppressed them for too long. Damon leaves his glass of blood and goes to bed, and Stefan of course drinks, because we’re going to do this, I guess.
