SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S01 E17: Let The Right one In
You know, I tried to watch this one and was just so very bored. I’m sorry, fellow vamp fans. It was so critically acclaimed and all, and I wanted to like it, but I’m a simple girl, I like explosions and fights and rich vampires being weird aristocrats. Shall we get started?
Jeremy is badgering Anna about turning him and telling him everything about vampires. She says she’s not going to turn him, not until he has a “good” reason.
The raveyard vamps are running low on blood, someone has to go to the hospital for it. Or maybe Frederick can go tomorrow, if the storm rolling in keeps the sun hidden. He’d be able to go out during the day!
(Now Christopher Sarandon, there’s a fuckin’ vampire, tell you what.) So now they can go out when it’s just cloudy - which doesn’t stop all UV rays, so, like, no - but then why were you all out IN THE GD SUN?!
Anyway, Pearl tells him he’s not allowed to go anywhere after the stunt he pulled at the Salvatore house. He has to learn to control his emotions, which he agrees with - but he wished he knew what she was up to. So she gives us the Bond villain rundown of her immediate plans: to figure out which of the founding families survive, and who’s on vervain. She says they can’t be committing revenge, because these people live here, they’re their neighbors. They’ll get their town back, but they can’t just go on a killing spree.
She leaves, and Frederick’s henchmen materialize from behind a curtain (and Pearl didn’t know they were there? tf?!). Frederick says something to the effect of, “You heard her, boys. Let’s ignore all of that because we have emotions!”
Damon wants to go right to Pearl’s, find Frederick, and kill him.
Look, it’s not like I’m a big eye-for-an-eye person or anything - I’m not, generally, I think revenge is usually pretty silly, and we all end blind and toothless. But these are vampires, first of all, and Frederick is a fucker, second of all. He wants violence. He will not stop until he gets violence. Better, then, to bring the violence to him and definitively end the conflict. It also would send a message to the rest of them that Damon and Stefan are not to be crossed, and certainly will not hesitate to punish when punishment is warranted. It’s not great statecraft, admittedly, and it’s not the way I wish the world were run, but it is expedient and sometimes necessary to be a dick back.
Elena is a bitch to him about it, and Stefan sends him off with a “We’ll figure it out, okay?” And then Elena and Stefan spend most of a minute saying nothing, though they definitely don’t shut up.
Anna and Jeremy are meeting Pearl at The Grill. Jeremy asks if Pearl knows Anna’s a vampire, and Anna says thinking he could keep vampirism from his family is just further proof that he shouldn’t be turned. Anna, I don’t think you know how little either of his family members ever seem to think about Jeremy, or each other. These three are ships in the night, they might occasionally pass, but they certainly are not noticing enough about each other to figure out one of them’s a vampire. They do less interacting than roommates who all just answered an ad to rent a room.
Anna asks if Elena knows Jeremy is hanging out with her, and he says no, but it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like Elena knows Anna’s a vamp. Anna says they should keep it a secret from her anyway, and Jeremy agrees. Jeremy gives Anna his vervain bracelet, because she compliments it and he doesn’t know what it is. He says it’s because he really, really likes her - and she gives it right back to him, because she wants him protected, but of course Jeremy looks dejected.
Matt complains about his mom to Caroline, and then sends her into the storm because she has to be home for her dad’s boyfriend’s daughter’s birthday. Look, I know gay marriage wasn’t legal when this was on (I don’t think), but wouldn’t it be easier to call this girl a stepsister? Matt tells her to be safe, and I assume this means we’ll see Caroline’s car in a snowdrift or whatever, but with this show, who knows?
Stefan has to go hunt an animal. Damon offers him the “two pints of soccer mom” he has in the fridge, but Stefan declines and heads out in the rain - only to be met by Frederick, his minions, and a stake.
When Stefan doesn’t come back, Damon heads to Elena’s, and calls her a bunch of times. She’s trying to ignore him, but obviously lets him in. He asks if Stefan’s there, and then tells her he’s missing.
They head over to the farmhouse, asking for Pearl, but find only Frederick and an injured Stefan. Damon can’t go in, either, because the house is owned by Puppet Gibbons, and Frederick makes sure to tell her she’s never to invite Damon in.
Frederick is pissed because Katharine’s nonsense with these two got them all rounded up and sealed in a tomb. So why punish Damon and Stefan? Why not go after Katharine? Do you have trouble with cause and effect, Frederick? Little difficulty with basic concepts like fault? No emotional regulation? How did you survive this long, you’re an idiot, my god.
He describes what it’s like to starve, and then says he’s going to let Stefan starve a little before he kills him. He shuts the door on Damon, who goes back to Elena, waiting in the car. She wants to just go get him, but Damon rightly tells her she can’t go in there. They’ll get him out, they just have to figure it out.
Frederick tortures Stefan. Grossly gratuitous, no thank you. Harper tries to stop it, saying Pearl will be home soon, but Frederick says she’s no longer in charge, and adds Harper to the torture list.
Damon goes to Alaric for help! What?! This is great, I love it. Hire a Hunter, sure, that’s always a good idea, nothing goes wrong with those alliances. He refuses, but Damon says that Pearl could help him find Isobel - and he has that nifty ring, he can’t be killed. Alaric agrees.
Back at The Grill, Anna and Jeremy are still talking?
TIME, HOW DOES THAT WORK?
So, Stefan has gone out, gotten kidnapped, been gone long enough for Damon to notice he’s missing, try to get Elena’s attention, finally pick up Elena, go out to the farmhouse, try to get Stefan back, and then drive back into town to see Alaric - and THAT WHOLE TIME, Jeremy and Anna have been waiting for Pearl?
No. Nope. Never. Not gonna happen. Not this time. Can’t be done that way. Don’t want to hear it. Fuck outta here with that.
They’re also still having the same conversation. Anna says they turn people for a lot of reasons - boredom, revenge, need someone to do their dirty work, and love. He says he has nothing, and he needs to be a vampire to have something. She says it’s not a ticket out of lonerville, and since he doesn’t fit any of the categories yet, he won’t get turned. He looks like he’ll argue, but Pearl walks in.
Jeremy: YOU ARE A TEENAGER. Of course you have nothing. You basically ARE nothing! The biggest reason not to turn him is because HE IS A CHILD. You don’t turn children, Anna. Haven’t you had some issues being taken seriously? Getting into bars or other adult spaces? Dealing with ever-older adults all the time hasn’t presented ANY issues?
You don’t turn kids. Period. Vampires shouldn’t even be around children if you ask me, and certainly not dating them, not fucking them, not marrying them, and never, ever, EVER turning them! THIS IS SO GROSS.
Anna skedaddles, telling Pearl that Jeremy is just an acquaintance from the library. They turn to leave - Anna got everything they needed from the blood bank, and Pearl did… whatever she had to do for eight-plus hours - and Mayor Lockwood urges them not to go out in the storm - “Route 5 is completely flooded!” Pearl says they’ll be fine, but then hears the hostess call him “Mayor Lockwood” and invites herself and Anna to dinner with him and Tyler.
Elena, Damon, and Alaric are preparing for the hunt. They have vervain-filled tranquilizer darts. They have a plan that Damon will just take everyone on himself, and Elena won’t go with them, and no, neither of these plans is good. Elena insists on going: “This is Stefan!” Damon says he knows, he understands, Stefan is her one true love, the reason she lives, “he lifts you up where you belong, I GET IT,” but no, it’s way too dangerous.
And he’s right! But Elena’s the main character, for completely baffling reasons, so I bet she’ll be there, even if she seems to back down.
Caroline does, indeed, get stuck! In the mud, detouring from flooded Route 5. She’s got no phone signal. Uh-oh, spaghettios.
Alaric shows up at the farmhouse complaining his car got stuck, can he use the phone? This is the only house out here! Frederick looks suspicious, but lets him in - conspicuously without inviting him, but, like, he’s human? He has a heartbeat and shit? Like, do the writers think that “attention to detail” means only the clever details?
Anyway, one of the henchvamps sees Alaric start to shake a stake out of his sleeve and it’s on like Donkey Kong. Alaric kills the henchvamp and sends Gibbons outside, where Damon promptly snaps her neck so he can go in. Alaric argues, she was supposed to be compelled, Damon says he couldn’t make it work like that.
Elena is waiting in the car with one of the tranqs? Why? Shouldn’t they be out there with Alaric and, you know, THE VAMPIRES? Elena doesn’t have the dart gun, does she?
Sometimes, I hate my job, and then I remember I’ve done this to myself and I consider signing up for BetterHelp.
(which is an excellent joke and I stand by it, but BetterHelp is actually pretty terrible? so I wouldn’t, but, you know. it’s in the zeitgeist, it’s a good punchline.)
At dinner, Pearl is telling the Mayor that she’s looking at some property around town, and she understands that the Lockwoods own basically everything? Oh, and that they came into quite a lot of property in 1864 - so that answers that, I guess. The Lockwoods scooped up vampire properties, which I’m sure will end well for them.
Matt makes a remark about the Mayor flirting with Pearl, and Tyler just says, “Yeah, well, she’s not my mom,” so I guess Mayor cheats habitually?
And Jeremy stares longingly at Anna, who’s playing darts, but she starts texting him so they can get their flirt on while Mom is watching - and asking about Jeremy’s identity.
(and I’m only going to complain in a parenthetical, but it also seems to have taken absolute hours for them to get their food, and in all that time, Pearl only comes around to talking about why she’s in town and other get-to-know-yous once the kids are done and leaving? TIME: HOW DOES THAT WORK?)
Frederick calls for his henchvamp, and sends the other into the kitchen, and Damon stakes him. Alaric goes back to the car, only to find that Elena has, of course, taken off to the house to stab someone with her tranq, I guess. Or get caught. Or both!
She goes into the basement from outside, Damon comes from inside, he kills the guard and then they meet. Damon is not happy.
Caroline is still trapped in the car and leaves her lights on to wander around and find a cell signal. Next to a raging waterfall. And right on cue: a fall, but one she recovers from. Too bad she finds a buried body when she tries to get back up the muddy hill.
Pearl confronts Anna about Jeremy. He’s a Gilbert - and therefore the reason they’re all in a tomb. Not his however-many great grandfather, or anything. All Gilberts are guilty, end of story.
You know what fight happens next. Leave him, no I won’t, stop acting like a child, when he finds out you’re a vamp he’ll leave, but he already knows! SLAP. Look, Pearl, Anna’s 150 fucking years old, and she wasn’t in a box for them. You really think you can treat her like this?
Damon and Elena get Stefan and free Harper - he’d been staked through the thighs to a chair, the Empire would be proud - and separate: Elena to the car, Damon to distract. Frederick decides it’s too quiet just as Damon drops a staked vamp into the room with him, and he deploys henchvamps to search the house.
Stefan’s not gonna make it to the car…without blood. Is it finally feeding time?
Damon vamp fights with fuckin’ everyone, and almost gets got - but Alaric has returned with the tranq gun.
Elena and Stefan make it to the car, but Frederick has already been and disabled the car. He pulls Stefan out the window and almost kills him, but Elena stakes him through the back. Good job, Elena. Too bad Stefan’s probs gonna die, unless you open a vein. I guess they couldn’t really do it earlier - too much like sex, probably, especially for a teenager. They’ve really gotta be IN LOVE before he can feed off her, unlike the adult vamp shows, where they try to do it in the first 10 episodes in order to complicate everyone’s love lives.
Alaric and Damon get through the vamps in the house, only to meet the vamps in the yard - with only one tranq dart left.
And in the middle of all this havoc, we cut to Matt and his mom and her… tuna casserole or something gross, I can’t tell. They’re saved from having to talk by the doorbell: Caro and her mom have shown up, and need to speak with Kelly.
I’ll bet they found Vicki.
I was rooting for Vicki. We were all rooting for Vicki!
Back at the World’s Longest Grill Date Ever, Mayor Lockwood gets a call and rounds up Tyler. They have to go, because they found Vicki’s body. Jeremy says, “Wait, she’s dead?!” but the Mayor is already gone.
Stefan is refusing chow time, because of course he is, but eventually gives in. Bow-chicka-wow, this is unsexy.
Alaric and Damon are saved by the arrival of Pearl. She asks Damon what he did, but he swiftly apprises her of the actual facts: that her vamps spent the day torturing Stefan. They have no deal unless she can get her vamps under control.
Frederick isn’t dead, damn it. He comes back after Stefan, who now has enough strength to keep stabbing Frederick long after he’s dead, and almost stabbing Elena when she tells him to stop. Oh no! Vampires are brutal killers! Do you think this will start a bunch of stupid doubt in Elena about loving Stefan? Because I do. Not looking forward to it. These are definitely some of my least-favorite tropes.
Stefan apologizes to her. She says he was like a different person, and she thinks she made him that way with her blood, but he reassures her that’s not true. He’ll be fine, he can go back to being a vegetarian or whatever. Her phone rings: Jeremy, with the news about Vicki.
We get a montage to sad music. Everyone is gathering at Matt’s. Caroline’s making coffee like it’ll help. Matt asks to be alone, even as Elena shows up and he accepts the hug she gives him - but not the one Caroline offered.
Damon and Alaric end up at The Grill, drinking. Damon thinks it was fun to be so badass, and he knows Alaric hates him, but everyone does. Alaric gets up, punches Damon, and leaves.
Elena actually asks Jeremy if he’s okay, and he says he’s going to sleep. He’s pissed that Vicki isn’t a vampire, that she’s just dead, and Anna - who’s come in through his window - realizes he wanted to turn to be with Vicki, not her. She leaves before she hears Jeremy’s apology.
And in our ending sting, Damon finds Stefan drinking bottled human blood.
That… was a hell of a ride. I wish they’d spread out the events between episodes. Much prefer half the stuff in every episode to one packed ep and one shitty ep, alternating. Anyway, see y’all next week, when I further explore all the non-sexual ways to apply masochism in every day life!