SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S1 E14: Fool Me Once

WELCOME BACK, SNOWFLAKES! Been a hot minute, but look around at the shiny new digs, eh? EH? Pretty spiffy! I’ll be updating things as I go along - I’ll be adding some store pages, so you don’t have to deal with Jeff Bezos just to buy a book or two - and adding some services and new books and things like that in the coming months, but I know what you’re all here for: RECAPS!

I have no idea where we left off, but we begin with Elena waking up in a motel room, with… Ben? the bartender? Yeah, I’mma go with that. She tries to sneak out, but he wakes up, and when she goes out the door anyway, Anna’s there to stop her. In the sunlight. Did Anna get a ring? Also, Bonnie’s unconscious in the tub.

Damon’s reading a journal when Stefan comes to ask him where Anna’s living, where Elena is. Damon refuses, so Stefan apologizes for losing him Catherine, so Damon tells him he hopes Elena dies. Lovely thought, Damon, but since when do these people experience consequences?

Elena tells Bonnie they need a witch to open the crypt, and Bonnie says she won’t help. Anna introduces herself by telling Elena she’s practically dating Jeremy, so we cut to Jeremy, studying at the Grill, eavesdropping on Matt and Tyler trying to set up a party with “10 kegs!” Matt isn’t keen, and Jeremy laughs at them, and Tyler gets irritated.

Caroline comes over to ask Jeremy if he’s seen Elena or Bonnie, because she’s been texting them all day about this same party - apparently thrown by an alumnus named Duke who now goes to Duke. He’s obtaining the 10 kegs, I guess. I feel like there are less clunky ways to get all this exposition out, but who knows, maybe I’m just being picky. Caro invites Jeremy to the party, which seems to be pretty open invite anyway, but she thinks it’ll do him good.

Caro then goes on to deliver her “you kissed me and I don’t want things to be weird” speech to Matt. She’s giving him an escape clause, but of course he doesn’t take it, because you have to have one slightly functional relationship in any show, right? And we get Caro and Matt.

Damon goes to see Bonnie’s Gran, because he’s looking for her to open the raveyard, too, but Gran runs him off and tells him Bonnie will never help him, nor will any of the witches in their family. She gives him some sort of headache, too, and he runs off, properly chastised.

Anna doesn’t actually want to get Catherine out of the crypt. She says no one wants to see “that girl” again, except Damon. She’s going for her mother, whom Anna thinks was unfairly caught up with Catherine’s hijinks. Anna calls Stefan and tells him that either he or Damon should meet her in the town square, with the grimoire, so they can plan. She leaves Bonnie and Elena with Ben, and I’m still confused about how she’s daywalking, but whatevs, if they don’t want to put that in the “previously on”, I can’t make them. There’s another unsuccessful escape attempt, and I’m wondering why neither of them has tried just… opening the drapes and letting this dumbass burn. But I guess that would be inconvenient to the writers, so.

Jeremy catches Anna on her way to the square, and he invites her to Duke’s party. Which is apparently happening at the raveyard, so she tells him she’ll meet him there. Convenient. Should be a good time.

Damon has shown up, and warns her that Stefan will kill her. She doesn’t care. They’re going to do the spell that night, right after sundown.

Stefan rescues the girls by, shocker, opening the drapes as he comes through the door. He tells a crisped Ben to leave town and never come back, and then just walks out the door. Ben’s definitely going to do that, Stefan, no need to say anything further.

Gran did a locator spell to find the girls and send Stefan. She had a feeling something was up after Damon came by. Bonnie apologizes to her for causing trouble. They plan with Elena and Stefan. Elena says they should let Damon and Anna have Catherine, but Stefan resists. Gran says they should open the tomb, and then kill all the vamps with fire. That sounds like the plan to me.

Anna comes back to the motel and is furious, obviously. But of course she doesn’t give up: she and Ben will be there when Damon opens the tomb, even if they don’t have the witch.

Elena goes to talk to Damon, who says he isn’t interested in working with them anymore. But you were yesterday, she says, and he returns “Fool me once, shame on you.”

Elena promises Damon she’ll help him get Catherine back, and takes off her vervain amulet to prove she’s serious. He puts it back on her and says that he’s trusting her; she shouldn’t make him regret it.

Side note: People are all of a sudden wearing jackets and layers, so I guess it really is “winter” now? No more halter tops in Virginia during football season? Impressive!

Damon and Elena have to walk through the Duke party to get to the raveyard, and they meet Caro and Matt on the way. Caro makes sure to hold Matt’s hand, so Elena knows she’ll never get him back, and Matt introduces himself to Damon, who says there’s a reason they haven’t met, and steers Elena away to continue to the raveyard.

Bonnie, Stefan, and Gran are already setting up. Stefan has some contraption or something that he says is “everything I need to destroy them.” So we’re as ready as we’ll ever be!

Tyler asks Jeremy for weed, and Jeremy tells him he’s going straight now, or something, so Tyler bullies him ineffectually about not having friends, just as Anna shows up. Don’t know how much of a friend she is, but

Bonnie and Gran call the elements and light the torches in the crypt.

Anna and Jeremy chat in the woods; she tells him she’s moving away after he asks her to be his girlfriend. They kiss goodbye, and she starts to vamp out. While he’s distracted by her eyeballs, Ben whacks him over the head and knocks him out so they can drag him to the crypt.

Tyler harasses Matt, and I have to say, I haven’t seen a single keg, let alone 10 of them. Matt has doubts about being with Caro: she seems “clingy”. Sure, Matt. She wants to hold hands sometimes, and you… don’t want to be in a relationship at all, right? Because the whole point of being with someone is to be “clingy”. To be interested in them and have them be interested in you, and wanting to spend time together and get to know each other. “Clingy”. Jesus. Might she have a reason to hold your hand in front of your very recent ex? Might she be a little hung up on that, a little insecure because it’s her friend, too?

Also, it doesn’t even matter, because she wasn’t being “clingy”, she was “lame” for wanting to show Elena and Damon, who was always so mean to her, that she was with a good guy. Matt says that’s okay with him. Thanks, Matt. Maybe try to grow a little on your own time, too, okay?

Bonnie and Gran open the crypt with chanting in another language - it just opens a door, no one’s running out or anything. Damon wants in, but he’s taking Elena so they won’t shut the door after him. Stefan runs back up for his gasoline and contraption, and runs into Anna and Ben. Anna’s going into the crypt, and Ben’s going to eat Jeremy, so Stefan can save Jeremy or stop Anna, but not both.

Damon and Elena (their couple name would be Dalena, long a, I will take no notes on this) are travelling through a crypt the size of a damn TARDIS, looking for the vamps.

Bonnie tries to stop Anna from going in, but Gran tells her to step aside, and then tells Bonnie she let her in because none of those vamps are coming out.

Oh, Stefan’s contraption is a flamethrower, which he uses to light Ben up. Good job, Stefan! I was beginning to think you couldn’t kill anyone ever.

Damon charges ahead, leaving Elena to blunder around with her little flashlight. She finds a bunch of bodies, and at least one opens its eyes, and then she backs into Anna.

Stefan comes back down and wants to go after Elena, but Gran stops him. They’ve only opened the door: they haven’t lifted the seal. Elena can come back out, because she’s human, but none of those vamps are going to be able to leave. If Stefan goes in, he won’t be able to come back through the seal, either.

Anna bites Elena’s wrist to bring her mother back. Elena screams, and Stefan goes after her. Bonnie says that they can’t leave Stefan in there, and Gran says they don’t have enough power. Bonnie says that’s bullshit, that her power comes from everything around her, and if Gran won’t help, fine.

Stefan saves Elena, and they run back to the entrance, where Elena discovers Stefan can’t come out. Well, I mean, Gran and Bonnie are going to try to open it, but they won’t be able to hold it? So ideally, Stefan comes out, and they close it again, but Stefan’s gone back for Damon and Catherine, but Catherine’s missing? This is all going extremely fast, and no one’s explaining anything.

So Anna and her mom get out, and Anna says that Jeremy’s fine, they’re leaving, they won’t hurt anyone else. Elena goes back in for Stefan, and she and Stefan and Damon come out - without the missing Catherine.

Matt and Caro confess to each other that they want their relationship to work.

Jeremy is fine, though still unconscious. Elena hugs a very disappointed Damon.

Gran is very shaky, and tells Bonnie she’ll be fine, even though that spell took a lot out of her. So I’m obviously convinced she’s gonna die.

Jeremy takes some aspirin for his concussion and then googles vampires, so everything’s kosher there, clearly.

Damon surprises Anna and mom at Anna’s hotel room, and attacks mom while asking why they deserve a happy ending. Mom tells him that Catherine promised to turn the guard that the men had stationed at the church, and he helped her escape. Anna last saw Catherine in Chicago in 1983.

“She knew where you were, Damon. She didn’t care.” Holy shit. I’mma start spelling her name right, because Katharine was a straight bitch, y’all. Damn. That’s cold as fuck.

Elena goes home; Stefan stays with Damon to support him.

And Gran dies.

Dang it, I liked her.

Meanwhile, down in the crypt, the vampires are awake - and leaving!

Join me next week for another episode jam-packed with nothing!