SGRoA: Blood Ties, S1 E3: Bad Juju

Hey, Snowflakes, Editing Cate here. I got off track last week and somehow just... never published the recap?!?!?! I'm blaming my chronic pain, but let's be honest: we all know it's the weed.

In any case, here's the recap! I'll be back with the next ep next week. Enjoy!

Happy Friday, Snowflakes! Do you have big plans for the holiday weekend? The Union Pacific Big Boy train engine is going to be in Denver on Monday, so we're probably going to take the little train (light rail) to the Big Boy and have a very autistic day - provided we have the sensory energy to begin with, of course. lol. Too autistic to autist. Well, let's get to the jokes!

Toronto never changes, y'all: most of the establishing shots look like they're from the same stock footage bank Forever Knight used. Oh, I love it so much. After our skyline, we're taken to the Juju Lounge, where Vicki is interviewing a new client, Angelique. She's from New Orleans, and whatever stereotypical nonsense you're picturing, I need you to double it.

no, like, more than that, even

I mean: Juju Lounge, complete with a skull in a top hat logo; French name; sort-of maybe Haitian accent; "jungle" theme in the bar. I'm pretty sure most of this is racist, too? Like, I'm not exactly sure how, because I am painfully white and was told we solved racism in the 60s when I grew up, but it feels like something we just should not be doing.

But Angelique is nice! She's looking for her missing brother, and Vicki tells her to go to the cops, because they don't charge out of pocket. Angelique insists she won't call the pigs, and good choice, Angelique. I'd pay out of pocket for competence, too. She gives Vicki a list of known associates/friends/people of interest, her contact info, and enough cash for a week or so. She does tell Vicki that the brother, Royal, was mixed up with a bad dude: Henri Gregoire. Vicki starts to ask more, as they leave the club, but they are attacked...

a blue keep calm sign that says "keep calm it gets better"

...by a zombie.

OK, I guess we're doing this. I don't know why I expect better of 2007, it has proved itself to be a very shit year over and over again. I guess I just have trouble understanding why you'd do the same old boring spin on something that was already hacky in the 80s. So, New Orleans Zombies it is. Sigh.

Vicki fights him off for a bit, and Angelique runs, and the zombie goes right after her. And he kills the friend that's with them? even though he just knocked the friend to the ground? OK, Blood Ties, sure. I guess there has to be a murder for Celluci to show up.

Vicki confesses to him that the suspect seemed like a zombie, and Mike yells at her about it. She admits that she doesn't know what was going on, that clearly it's not supernatural, but this is how the perp acted. Mike doesn't care, because it's nighttime and Vicki's half blind. And he insinuates it's Henry's fault?

a "keep calm" poster, but it says "fuck this guy"

Vicki goes straight to Henry, because Mike does have a point: Henry knows about weird shit. He teases her about wanting him, and she teases him about being conceited, and eventually she admits she needs his help. Henry immediately is serious and attentive as she tells him about being zombie-attacked. Henry confirms it's a zombie "from voodoo" (which, yes, problematic as hell, but I'm not qualified to get into it), and he tells her to stay the fuck out of it. Vicki refuses, of course, and he tells her he'll work the case with her to keep her safe - and vamps out on her a little bit to remind her that he, himself, is a Big Bad, and she should really take him seriously when he warns her.

The antagonist from The Princess and the Frog sits on his throne of human bones and tells a lackey that his zombies are going to find his enemies, or something. I'm not exactly paying attention because holy shit, y'all. Holy. Shit.

like, y'all, why is this so painful?

Well. That's...something, isn't it? Anyway, let me rewind a minute... Oh, ok, this must be Gregoire. He's looking for Angelique, and he tells the lackey that if they don't find her, his zombies will find them, and then he makes the guy barf up a snake. Sure. Why not.

Coreen has a bunch of research on voodoo and zombies. The tattoos on the victim were symbols for power and protection, like sigils specific to voodoo (which, again, wildly problematic, I know, but I'm going with what they're calling it, since it's clearly just a stereotypical portrayal.).

Henry and Vicki head back to the bar, where suddenly the bartender has no idea who Angelique is, or who she was with the other night, or why anyone would be looking for her. Henry tries to rough up some information, but no dice - and it gets them almost chased out, while Gregoire's lackey looks on.

Some guy comes out of the bar right after them, and they follow him because...? Vicki says something about someone will warn Angelique or something, but, like, no? What? Why? Why would the next guy leaving the bar be headed for her? I don't get any of this, but sure enough, dude leads them to Angelique, whose lines are being run backwards to make it sound more "voodoo-y" when she's "whispering incantations", as the captions tell me. But she turns around and gives us some much needed exposition instead.

Her parents were a priest and priestess; she and her brother were supposed to follow in their footsteps. They were killed by the "dark faction" of their religion, and now her brother is missing and she's being stalked by that same faction.

Vicki offers help immediately, and Henry pulls her aside to yell at her that this is super duper dangerous. Just like the demon was. I'm getting the feeling just like everything will be. Can these guys just let Vicki live her life? Damn, y'all. She's grown. She can make her own decisions. Stop yelling at her.

tired of these motherfuckin' bikes, ngl

Vicki ignores him, of course, and takes Angelique back to her office, because at least she can keep an eye on her there. Coreen immediately asks to be initiated into a spiritual practice she has zero claim to, and Angelique shuts her down because "the spirits are not to be toyed with" but honestly, Coreen, it's racist af. Please stop appropriating: there are plenty of white people spiritual practices you can look up on your own time. I'm a witch, I know.

Henry and Vicki go to the station to see Mike, who was running down Henri Gregoire in the PD databases for Vicki. Before he can tell her that there were zero pops for her guy, Mike has to get in some snobby jabs at Henry for being a "cartoonist", and Henry has to be a jerk about it, and I'm glad you boys could get your dicks properly measured today, but now they have to go back in your pants.

a Reductress headline that says, "Why I stopped Meditating and Started Screaming"

Gregoire is a ghost, Vicki tells the boys to STFU, and it's back to the JuJu Lounge which, despite its being after hours, is still unlocked, the bartender dead, and the zombie suddenly lurching up from the floor to attack our heroes. They manage to impale the guy and leave him pinned to a wall, groaning and moving still. Vicki apologizes to Henry for almost getting him killed, despite that not actually happening, and then she demands to know why he's so touchy about voodoo, because clearly his wanting her to drop this case is personal, because he's so heated about it? despite his being exactly as heated as in the last episodes about demons? buh?

Chris Hemsworth as Thor saying, "I have no idea what's going on"

like, none, y'all

Anyway, in the last round of 20s, he went to Haiti with a woman he met in Paris, and she was killed by voodoo practitioners and turned into a zombie, apparently. Whoopdeshit. I mean, like, if this story were true, I would feel for him, but I'm pretty sure that it's a pile of racist horseshit, so I'm pretty over this episode, honestly.

The next evening, Vicki heads to the precinct to tell Mike she can't make their dinner date (but she could show up? sure), but he did find some more out about Gregoire - though "more", here, is very generous. Dude runs a little magic shop and sells potions and spells to people, and no one wants to talk about him or what he does, really. Mike asks Vicki how this guy is connected to the body, and she says zombies, and Mike gets mad again.

kristen wiig in bridesmaids saying "are you fucking kidding me?"

Vicki tells him she's not shutting him out of the cases, he just refuses to believe her. She says that she's been exposed to a whole new side of life, and if he can't accept that, that's fine - but it's going to look like she's withholding if he doesn't want to hear about it.

So Mike immediately tells his partner to run a background check on Henry. "For the case". Which Graham (the partner) questions just as quickly, calling Mike out that this has more to do with Vicki than with the case. Mike denies it, vehemently, but Graham's right, Mike. Graham's right.

Vicki tells Coreen and Angelique that she's headed down to Gregoire's shop, and Angelique gives her a bracelet "for protection". Coreen asks for help with her love juju - she's trying to attract Henry (though she doesn't say it outright), and Angelique tells her that they should start from scratch on the juju. I have to assume this will do something later, because otherwise it seems weird to include, especially with Angelique's neutral-to-almost-angry expression while Coreen asks for help turning to a radiant, perhaps expectant smile as Angelique suggests a new spell. We'll see.

Henry and Vicki show up at the shop - it's where Gregoire keeps his bone throne.

Gregoire throws his voice to taunt them and sends the zombie - yes, the one they impaled, still walking around, because magic, I guess - to lurch at them ineffectually. When he finally shows himself, he says that Angelique is the "dark faction", and that he had to take her brother, because they were terrorizing people. Angelique needs to go, too, because she eats little kids' hearts to stay young and she's going to bring her brother back from the dead.

And true to form, Angelique removes Coreen's mouth when Coreen objects to the spell Angelique is doing - clearly not a love juju. Gregoire's zombie falls, and Gregoire tells Vicki that she's wearing a bandeau that is killing him - the bracelet Angelique gave her. He hands over the amulet with Royal's soul in it (yes, yes, it's ridiculous) right before he dies, and Vicki and Henry rush home to save Coreen.

Angelique has made a doll of Vicki with hair from her brush, and of course it works. She wants the amulet, and of course Vicki refuses. Angelique says she can wait another night, but will Vicki survive? And then she's gone, with the doll. Coreen's mouth comes back, and they regroup to plan to get the doll back and figure out where Royal is buried - that's where Angelique will have to go to bring him back.

Gregoire and his zombie have been found, so Mike calls Vicki to see what's up. She tells him, and he's mad again, because she's "lying" again, and he hangs up on her.

But he doesn't have time to stew! Henry's background check came back! And it appears Henry needs to hire some better guys: he has perfect credit and no other records. Dude, that's sus af. All the red flags just went up for Mike, and I'm sure only good things can come of that. /s

Vicki, despite being "eaten" by a "grave bug" that Angelique put on the doll, heads off to the cemetery Coreen found. Henry follows after sunset, after asking Coreen where Vicki went. He thinks to bring salt to scupper any spells.

Obviously Angelique is already there, set up to bring Royal back, and Henry walks right in with the amulet, like a dumbass. So Angelique has Royal's body, Royal's soul, and the sacrifice of Vicki - though not for long. Henry breaks away from her guard, grabs the doll and removes the bug. Vicki hits Angelique over the head and crushes the amulet, so the half-alive corpse grabs Angelique, the crypt starts to fall apart, and Henry and Vicki escape.

Mike stops by the office the next morning, fresh off the crime scene at the cemetery. He asks if Vicki was there, and she fobs it off with a half sort of denial, but HE'S STILL MAD AT HER ABOUT IT.

So they go to breakfast, the end.

Not the best episode of television I've ever watched, but also not the worst. Yes, it was racist and badly researched and derivative, but the dialogue was good, the plot kept a-moving, and all the details were relevant later on, so at least it was a competent episode of television, which is more than we can say for a lot of things. *cough* Moonlight *cough*

Hopefully the next one will be better, and at some point, Mike Celluci's nards will get kicked. That's all a girl can ask for, I think!