SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S2 E19: Klaus

Man, if he doesn’t look like that? My disappointment will be immense, and my day, ruined. Let’s get started, Snowflakes!

Ok, so, we ended last week with Elena taking the dagger out of Elijah. She has to wait around until he actually wakes up, and then he thinks she’s Katharine, so he flashes back. Ooh, y’all know how I love the historical costuming on this show.

It says “England, 1492”, and then proceeds to show me a 17th-century doublet and wig? VD, never change, my god.

They’re ALL 17th-century doublets, and the wigs? Bad. I know y’all know. It’s delightful.

OK, so, back to, like, actual plot - Some guy who looks vaguely like John Cena, whom I’m sure I’m supposed to know but don’t, tells Elijah he has a present for him - a girl. Of course it’s Katharine, with her hair out and her titties down? I mean, she’s in a gown that looks like it was inspired by the 14th century - so, the 1300s, fully a century before this is set, but her hair isn’t covered. It’s up, barely, but just floppin’ curls all over the place. Delightful.

Anyway, that’s it, that’s the whole flashback, and we’re back in the basement with Elena. For someone who was dead like, 10 seconds ago, Elijah is pretty plump and moisturized, gotta say. Before Elena can tell him what’s going on, he’s forcefully removed to the front stoop by the fact that Elena now owns the house. She says she’ll tell him what’s going on, but not where vampire ears can listen in. She hands him the dagger in a show of trust.

Stefan can’t find Elena when he wakes up, and he gives Damon shit about his relationship. Damon’s girlfriend - the news lady? I forget her name - tells Stefan it’s really none of his business, and Stefan turns away in a huff - only to discover the damage done by Elijah’s ejection. He and Damon follow the trail down to the now empty dungeon.

Klaus sends Maddox to get his own body. He thinks he has everything to break the curse: the Doppleganger, the moonstone, and the dead witch. Why do it here, asks Katharine, still imprisoned. So many people will want to stop him, after all. Turns out, he has to break the curse in the birthplace of the Doppleganger, so.

We’re gonna be plot-heavy and joke-light today, I fear. We are gearing up for the season finale, so it makes sense, I just feel bad when I’m not a laugh-a-minute. Especially since I told everybody we might have to die last week. Oops?

OK, so. Elena drives Elijah out somewhere, gives him a bag of blood for the ride. She says they have to work together, and he says she’s in no position to make demands. It’s not a demand, though: He’ll need her help to kill Klaus, and she’s offering. Because she needs him for her plan, but still.

Stefan calls, and she tells him that she and Elijah need some time alone. She says into the phone and to Elijah that she can trust him, and the boys should wait for her to be in touch. She hangs up and Elijah demands the phone, so she hands it over.

Damon, of course, immediately wants to spring into action, and Stefan has to counsel him to stillness. Doesn’t seem like it’s gonna take.

Elijah flashes back to introducing Klaus and Elena, complete with the line, “Niklaus is the name my father gave me. Please, call me Klaus,” and then we’re off to commercial. I’m pretty sure that if we looked up the etymology of the names Niklaus and Klaus, we’d find they’re from completely different times and/or cultures, and not short for each other, but sure. “My dad’s name is Mr. Winters. You can call me Cate.”

Elena and Elijah show up at Carol Lockwood’s, of all people. Elijah compels her to let them in, and Elena asks how he knew she wasn’t on vervain: because he got her off it. Right before he was stabbed.

Jenna calls Stefan looking for Elena and Jeremy. She’s back at home, and supposed to meet Ric for lunch, but Elena left her all these “weird” messages about not seeing him. Stefan tells her the same, and he’s on his way over, and Damon takes the opportunity of Stefan’s leaving to do something stupid. As usual.

Elena brings Elijah up to speed, after he’s borrowed a suit and Carol has gone on her way. The Martin witches are dead, and Katharine was taken by Klaus. They think she might be dead.

Elijah says he doubts that; it’s not Klaus’s style. Elena doesn’t understand: why make Katharine pay for betraying Klaus, when Elijah just wants Klaus dead? He has his reasons, he says - his FLASHBACK reasons!

There was a time he would have done anything for Klaus - because they were brothers!

I know that looks sarcastic - okay, it is, a little - but honestly, I’m digging this episode. I love a dramatic reveal. That’s why soap operas were invented, right? Hmm? To sell things? Ew. We’re going to pretend it’s for the dramz.

Damon and Andie show up at Ric’s and break in, because the compulsion on Katharine makes it so she can’t open the door. Andie comments that she really does look exactly like Elena.

Stefan shows up at Jenna’s, and of course Klalaric is already there. At least Stefan doesn’t say anything out-of-pocket before figuring that out, but I’m getting the feeling that Klaus also wants to do it for the dramz. Don’t catch me complaining about a well-timed knowledge bomb. Or an actual bomb, come to think of it.

Oh, was this the season that launched The Originals? Because I watched like two episodes of that when it premiered, and it was just Pretty People Talking, so I gave it up because I already had Grey’s Anatomy on my rotation. One PPT show at a time for me, usually. So, I guess I chose this….

I say that because Elijah is explaining all the lore in this episode. He comes from a family of vampires - or more specifically, his whole family became vampires. He’s one of seven children, and his parents and his whole family were, at one time, human. They’re the oldest vampires in the world, and from them all vampires flow.

And then he says he needs some air and expects Elena to follow him outside.

Damon offers Katharine vervain to prevent further compulsion. He just wants to know why she double-crossed them with Isobel. For herself, obviously. Katharine’s first priority is always Katharine.

Klalaric is being menacing while chopping vegetables. Jenna demands that someone tell her what the fuck is going on, so he starts a monologue about vampires - because, he tells her, he’s been keeping the secret that he’s obsessed with vampires! He then asks Stefan if he believes in vampires, and Stefan says he’s aware of the literature. And then Klalaric brings up werewolves, and the curse, and everything he’s saying is the technical truth but Jenna’s just getting more and more pissed and frankly? I would start committing violence at this point, I think.

The only thing, Elijah tells Elena, able to kill an Original is the wood of the white oak - a tree his family made sure burned. Every creature needs to have a weakness to maintain the balance, he says; witches ensured the white oak ash and the dagger could be used together to kill Originals. But the curse, he says, is a hoax.

Klaus drew the Aztec drawings for the spell parchment, and they made the whole thing up from whole cloth.

Before we can get an answer to Elena’s - and, I think, our collective - “What?!”, we’re back at Jenna’s. Klalaric insists that vampires are real, and Jenna fuckin’ snaps. She tells him to get the fuck out, and when he doesn’t, she says she’ll go. Klaus threatens her with the knife, but Stefan steps in and has him up against a wall, knife to his throat.

Stefan tells Jenna to go, and Klaus says that if Stefan kills this body he’ll just take Jenna for his next one. Even hearing that, she tries to stay - until Stefan vamps out on her and she bolts in fear.

Klaus tries to bait Stefan into killing him, but he opts for a solid beating instead. Ric’s body is still human, after all.

Back on the Lockwood estate, Elijah explains: there is A curse, just not THAT curse. The real curse is much worse.

It’s a curse placed on Klaus, specifically, but before we get to know, Elena has to answer her phone, which has been blowing tf up. Elena says she has to go, and Elijah says no, but she says Jenna’s family, and she’ll come back. Elijah decides to trust her, and besides, he has Flashbacking to do!

He’s chasing Katharine through a garden, and I - the costumes - I’ll just say this:

Katharine wants to marry for love, and Klaus doesn’t seem to love her. Elijah says he doesn’t believe in love, and she says that’s so sad, how can he go on living? And then Klaus shows up, shirt bloody, passing it off as a tavern brawl, and leads Katharine away.

Elena finds Jenna at Castel Salvatore, and Elena apologizes for all of this. Jenna asks who else knows? Jeremy? John? “We were trying to protect you,” says Elena, and Jenna says that she was supposed to be protecting them! Why wasn’t she told?

And she’s terrified! She doesn’t have plot armor! Elena promises to tell her everything, and holds her as she cries it out.

Elena puts Jenna up in one of the guest rooms and tells Stefan that she’ll be okay, she’s just in shock, but right now Elena has to go back to Elijah. Stefan lets her go but Damon blocks her. Andie tells him to back off, Stefan threatens him, but Damon is spoiling for a fight.

Katharine is drinking and dancing in Alaric’s house, a one-woman party until Klalaric walks back in the door. Pissed off about the fight, he compels her to “sit down and shut up”, and she pretends that works. Maddox walks in right after, with two new lackeys, a bunch of luggage, and Greta - a woman I assume is one of Klaus’s witches. Oh, and also, Klaus’s body.

Elena goes back to Elijah, presumably leaving the boys to fight amongst themselves. Elijah continues his story: Klaus and Dad never got along. Turns out, Klaus was an affair baby, and Dad found and killed the affair partner and his entire family, igniting a “war between the species”: the vamps and the wolves.

Klaus is half werewolf. Klaus is a vampire/werewolf hybrid.

Deadlier than any vampire or werewolf, nature could never abide it. So the witches made sure his werewolf side would never express, and Klaus wants to end his curse to trigger his wolf side, sire his own race of creatures, and … take over the world?

Apparently wolves heal from silver, so they can’t use the dagger to kill Klaus, his body would expel it. But white oak ash on a silver dagger is the only way to kill an Original. The problem is solved by having nature itself kill Klaus - or at least, nature’s servants, the witches.

The curse must be broken during the full moon. When Klaus is in transition, he’ll be vulnerable. If a witch could channel enough power, she could kill Klaus.

“What if I told you I know a witch with that much power?” says Elena. Well, there’s one more Flashback for you to know, says Elijah. (I may be paraphrasing.)

Klaus was going to use Katharine to break the curse before. Elijah said the witches may have found a way to spare Katharine’s life, but Klaus doesn’t give a shit. She’s human, why should he? Elijah is offended. Klaus tells him love is a vampire’s weakness, and he should beware of it. Tell the witches not to bother saving the Doppleganger.

Elena makes sure she heard right: Elijah knows a way to spare her? Yup. Too bad Katharine didn’t trust him, and pulled her own escape.

Damon and Stefan finally fight about Damon being in love with Elena. It’s boring, come on. Not everyone has to be in love with the protagonist. Luckily, Elena and Elijah break it up pretty quickly, and we flashback for a moment to Elijah and Klaus fighting over Katharine escaping, and obviously that’s the source of the feud.

Elena says they’ve renewed their deal. Elijah won’t harm them - any of them - but he does require an apology from the boys for killing him. Stefan does it no problem, but even after Elena tells Damon that everyone will come out alive, he tells them all to go to hell, and then takes his anger out on his girlfriend.

Damon. Stop it!

The witches put the Klaus back into Klaus, and Alaric seems maybe dead? but I assume not yet, and Klaus gets in one more zinger for the dramz: “Now that’s more like it.”

And we’re off till next week, y’all! Go out and do it for the dramz!