SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S2 E16: The Houseguest

Every fucking day with that guy. Anyway, let’s get started!

OMG, school is back in session! Elena and Stefan are late, but make out anyway. Elena finally gets dressed and heads downstairs, only for Damon to attack her and accuse her of wearing Elena’s clothes, and Stefan comes around the corner and sees this, then goes back upstairs and attacks Elena, thinking she’s Katharine? But the other Elena was Katharine. It’s very confusing, and I’m sure it’s Katharine’s fault.

Caroline and Matt catch up about how neither of them has heard from Tyler, and Matt asks Caroline to be with him or leave him alone.

Elena and Stefan talk some more about Katharine and Klaus and Elena tells Stefan she’s having a girls’ night with Caro and Bonnie.

Damon takes a flamethrower to Elijah’s … corpse? I guess? with such unadulterated glee. It’s nice he’s enjoying himself. Katharine comes in and nothing important is said.

Stefan and Elena tell Bonnie and Jer that Katharine is out of the tomb.

I’m thrilled that this is a ten-second-scene episode. Y’all know how I love those, but I suppose we have a lot of moving around the board to accomplish. It’s just so hard to make jokes!

Ric tells Elena about Uncle John’s threats, that Jenna doubts him, and that he gave John back his ring. AND THEN HE SAYS THEY SHOULD TELL JENNA THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!

And just as soon as school started, it’s over. Stefan and Bonnie meet Doc Martin and Luka at The Grill. They tell them that Elijah is dead, and they both offer to help get the other Martin family member back. I forget if I covered any of that, but apparently Klaus is holding Doc’s daughter. This is like the third time Bonnie has offered help, too. Jeez. This girl is too nice to y’all.

Damon and Katharine continue to fight, but she actually does a lore drop for us as well! She’s heard of the witches massacre in Mystic Falls. When witches die violently, they mark the place of their death with a release of power. So if a bunch of witches were murdered in one place, obviously it would be soaked in power.

Stefan comes in at the tail end of this, and reports that Elijah had no weapon to kill Klaus. He just believed that if a witch could channel enough power, he’d be able to do the guy in. Like the power from a spot with 100 dead witches.

Back at home, Luka urges his dad to team up with the Salvatores. Doc insists “those people aren’t our friends” and says he’ll deal with them. “You gonna kill em?” says Luka, and Doc says no: he’ll let Elijah do it.

Cut to commercial, so we have a minute to breathe before we’re on to the next thing. Did y’all see the Superbowl? I mean, I didn’t, I just heard about it later, sounds like it was wild.

OK, we’re back! The girls are over for girls’ night, and Jenna joins, and they all decide to go to The Grill to hear the live band.

Luka and Doc (whose name is Jonas, apparently, we’ll see if that sticks. I like “Doc” so much better!) -

Luka and Doc use a spell to find Elijah. It works. Luka astral projects or whatever to the Salvatore house, and Damon senses him, but brushes it off. Katharine senses him in the basement, sees the dagger leaving Elijah’s body, and fights Luka.

Luka, at home, tells his father that Elena is fighting him, but Jonas says it’s Katharine. Luka must find a stake and kill her.

And Luka does. Katharine calls for Damon just before it happens, and he does come a-runnin’, but Katharine’s been staked but good in her guts. But Damon pulls it out, and when she gestures to the dagger moving, Damon lights the body up with the flamethrower, and of course, breaks Luka’s spell because the real Luka is set on fire and… dies? Doc is crying like he’s dead, but, like, CALL AN AMBULANCE?! They’re burns, they can’t be healed with regular burn medicine? WTF, dude.

A lot of nothing happens at The Grill, but the gist is everyone should stop keeping secrets. And then Caro gets up on stage, takes the mic, uses her vampire powers to get the band on board, and sings Debbie Gibson’s iconic “Eternal Flame” to Matt.

Debbie approves!

Instead of checking Luka’s pulse or calling 911, Jonas decides to curse Elena? And Stefan shows up at his house, but Jonas like, powers at him and he falls to the ground holding his head? And then Jonas is out the door, and I guess he’s killing Elena to punish Stefan for killing Luka?

Clearly, I would, uh, not go this route. I prefer when things make sense.

After needling Katharine all day - and actually staking her again when he comes back upstairs - Damon gets what he wants: a lore drop about why Katharine is “helping” them. Uncle John and Isobel want Damon and Stefan out of Elena’s life. John offered Katharine a deal, knowing that when someone (he wanted Damon, obviously) killed Elijah, Katharine would be out of the tomb. She could stay and help, or John would kill Stefan. She chose him over Damon yet again, and I have to say, Damon, I would do my utmost to stop being hurt by her bitchery.

Bonnie tells Elena about her and Jeremy, and Elena is on board.

Elena takes a phone call. Bonnie sees Doc come into The Grill and tries to stop him finding Elena. He wants to take Elena to get his daughter back, and he’s going to pop every lightbulb in this restaurant to do it.

Matt and Caro are making out in the bathroom when the lights go out, and Matt goes to help, since he’s still technically at work. Elena and Stefan find Caro and take her out.

Jonas is lighting the bar on fire.

Bonnie gets knocked out somehow, and Matt helps her.

Elena and Stefan approach Jonas and say they will help him get his daughter back. He doesn’t need Elijah, and they never intended to hurt Luka, and they can help! He refuses, of course, and they run, but somehow Caroline gets in his sights? So Jonas starts witching out at Caro, Matt steps in to help, and…

Jonas sticks him in the neck with broken glass.

But not “Poor Caroline” for long, because she jumps right the fuck into action, biting her wrist and feeding him.

Bonnie, Jer, Stefan, and Elena round up at Elena’s house, and Stefan asks if anyone checked the house as Elena goes upstairs. But what’s this? When Jonas attacks her in her bathroom, she fangs out and kills him! It was Katharine all along!

Bonnie says she didn’t have to kill Jonas. Katharine says she did. Bonnie bends down to close his eyes, and HE FUCKING CHOKES HER.

So Stefan steps in and breaks Jonas’ neck.

We’re in the last 8 minutes, y’all, there can’t be that much more that happens.

Nobody makes up. Elena still hates Katharine, Jenna isn’t getting back together with Ric, even Bonnie and Jeremy are fighting about her reaction to losing her powers - but they make up pretty fast.

And then Bonn tells Jeremy that Jonas gave her her powers back, when he grabbed her. He wants her to kill Klaus - and he told her how.

Katharine tries to seduce Damon - and fails.

Matt wakes up in Caroline’s bed, fully healed, still human. She finally tells him she’s a vampire, thinking this will be the moment everything turns out well, but Matt is… not happy. His first thought is that Vicky told him about vampires and he thought she was lying…. What did Caroline do to his sister?!

Caroline tries to convince him it wasn’t her, but he’s gone. This is going to end so badly.

But not as badly as fuckin’ ISOBEL showing up on Elena’s doorstep, right after Ric told Jenna she was dead!

All in all, a good piece-mover episode. I’m dying to see what happens next - so come back next week!